


Deja Vu

by Iwazumis_left_kneepad



Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: Everyone Is Gay, Gangs, Kidnapping, Light Angst, M/M, Memory Loss
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2021-02-19
Updated: 2021-03-13
Packaged: 2021-03-15 23:55:19
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Major Character Death
Chapters: 4
Words: 26,448
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29567133
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Iwazumis_left_kneepad/pseuds/Iwazumis_left_kneepad
Relationships: Akaashi Keiji/Bokuto Koutarou, Iwaizumi Hajime/Oikawa Tooru, Kozume Kenma/Kuroo Tetsurou, Miya Osamu/Suna Rintarou, Sawamura Daichi/Sugawara Koushi, Tsukishima Kei/Yamaguchi Tadashi
Comments: 1
Kudos: 4





	1. Chapter 1

Chapter 1  
“Hey, Oikawa?” I say, reaching to touch my boyfriend’s forearm from across the kitchen counter. I hate to ruin a perfectly good breakfast by bringing this up, but I have to tell him. I tilt Oikawa’s chin up so that his eyes meet mine. “I’ve told you I’m in a gang before, right?”  
A silent falls between us. The wind outside our apartment howls, and Oikawa avoids making eye contact with me. He nudges my hand off his chin, and takes another bite of his omelet.  
“Why of course!” He says finally, “I know all about your little club, Iwa-chan.” This should be a relief considering that I don’t have to start explaining this at square one, but his lack of concern is slightly bothersome.  
“It’s- it’s not a club.” I say, trying no to get angry. I love Oikawa, but he can’t take things seriously, which normally I don’t mind as it helps to lighten the mood, but sometimes I wish he wouldn’t make a joke of everything.  
“Sure it is! If it wasn’t a club, then why would you have a clubhouse?” Oikawa questions, referring to the otherwise unused warehouse that my gang inhabits. I’ve never taken him there before, but he knows that I go out there pretty often.  
“It’s not a clubhouse, it’s our headquarters.” I snap back. Oikawa is really starting to get on my nerves. I wish he would just let me get to the point. This isn’t a matter to be taken lightly.  
“Oh, oh, your headquarters. My bad.” Oikawa says sarcastically, putting his hands in the air. “Let me guess, you also have some shitty name for your gang?” Oikawa says, puting air quotes on the word ‘gang’.  
“Hey it’s not a shitty name!” I argue. “I think ‘The Enigmas’ sounds cool!” I argue. When we came up with the name, plenty of names were tossed around, but we all decided that this was catchy enough, while also not sounding too ridiculous.  
Oikawa looks me in the eyes, and starts laughing. “You could have named your little club anything,” he says, pausing to gasp for air, “And you named it that?” Oikawa tosses his head back and clutches his hands over his stomach, gasping for breath.  
“Hey it’s not funny!” I scold, gently slapping my boyfriend. Oikawa wheezes, apparently still laughing about the name of my gang. “Would you shut up for like two minutes? I’ve gotta tell you something.” I say. Oikawa is still laughing, but slowly he starts to quiet himself.  
“Sorry Iwa, what did you want to tell me?” He says, giggling to himself. Despite giving me the go ahead to talk, his focus doesn’t seem to be on me. Oikawa walks over to the kitchen sink to wash his plate off. I start to speak, but the spray of water from the sink drowns out my voice.  
“Well go ahead.” Oikawa prompts, sitting back at the table. He crosses his legs and starts fidgeting with his fingers. He pokes me, urging me to start talking. I swat his hand away, and adjust my posture.  
“I’ve seem to have made a few people mad,” I say, glaring at Oikawa. I prepare for him to interject with some annoying and witty comment like ‘Don’t you always.’ or ‘Nothing new.’, but he’s surprisingly quiet.  
“Some rather powerful people. You see because they are mad at me, they might try to hurt me. The issue is that they probably know we’re dating, and what better way for them to hurt me than my hurting you?” Oikawa looks at me, his eyes glazed over like a deer in headlights.  
“Can you say that again?” he asks, clearly struggling to dissect what I just said. I sigh, and think of a way to reword that so that it’s less confusing.  
“I want to teach you how to fight and shoot.” I say bluntly. Oikawa nods that he understands, but doesn’t react other than that. I put my hand on his, gently rubbing his skin. “Oikawa, are you alright?” I ask carefully.  
Suddenly, Oikawa pushes his chair away from the table and stands up, placing his hands on his head. “You’re lying.” he says. “I’m not in danger, and neither are you.” Oikawa looks angry. Maybe I shouldn’t have told him all at once.  
“I’m sorry, Tōru,” I say, moving to give the brunette a hug. “but it’s true.” Oikawa freezes, allowing me to hug him without any resistance. “It’s going to be okay though, I promise.” I mutter into his ear.  
Oikawa slowly comes out of his state of shock and denial, and begins to hug me back. His large hands wonder down my back, but stop at my waistline. His body tenses up, and his breath hitches.  
“What is that?” he breathes, feeling around my waist. “Iwa, tell me that isn’t-” he says, his voice shaky. “Tell me that isn’t what I think it is.” Oikawa demands, stepping away from me. His eyes are wide with shock, and he looks like a gust of wind could tip him over.  
I slowly reach behind myself, pulling the cool metal out of the waistband of my jeans. I look up at Oikawa, and he looks back at me in horror as I pull a pistol out from behind me. I hold it out, offering it to Oikawa.  
“Throw it away. Or burn it or something, I don’t know. I don’t want you to have guns in our apartment.” Oikawa says sternly. I continue holding it out to him, hoping that he might reconsider. “Hajime, I’m uncomfortable with this.” Oikawa says, his voice shaky. I wince as he speaks, as Oikawa never calls me by my first name.  
“Oikawa please just try-” I start to reason with him, but he glares at me and slaps the gun out of my hand.  
“I said I’m uncomfortable! That means make it stop! This is too much, I want out.” Oikawa cries. I kick the gun to the side of the room, and step closer to my erratic boyfriend. The absence of a gun calms him slightly, but he is still in a state of panic.  
I take one step closer so that my arms can wrap around him. “Hey baby, I’m so sorry.” I say, rubbing Oikawa’s back, “I know this is a lot, and I’m so so sorry that it’s happening.” Oikawa sniffles.  
“Then make it stop.” he sniffles. I can’t just make it stop. Oikawa knows that. I understand that this is overwhelming, and that he’s getting pretty freaked out about it, but it’s the way it is. He can’t just ignore that.  
“I can’t just make it stop.” I whisper into his ear, “I’m sorry, baby.” I apologize, continuing to rub his back. I feel his chest expand and contract irregularly, his breathing staggered.  
“If you’re sorry then make it stop.” Oikawa begs. “If you loved me then you would make it stop!” He shouts, shoving me away from him. Taken by surprise, I stumble back and fall onto the floor.  
“I wish I could. If I could go back and stop it all from happening I would, just for you. But I can’t. It’s too late for that. Now my only option is to keep you safe, and to do that, I need to teach you how to defend yourself, alright?” I say. Oikawa stands above me, his eyebrows furrowed.  
I crawl over to where the gun lies, and pick it up. I hold it out to Oikawa, urging him to take it. “Please, baby?” I beg. Hesitantly, Oikawa reaches out to touch the gun. The moment his skin contacts the cool metal, he yanks his arm back, as if he had just touched a hot stove.  
“I can’t. I can’t Iwa.” Oikawa says. His tone sounds almost apologetic, as if he genuinely wants to gold the gun, but physically can’t. “I can’t hold that,” he says, nodding in the direction of the gun. “What if it was used to kill someone?”  
“It hasn’t been used. I bought it for you, brand new.” I say, hoping this will make Oikawa less hesitant. I stand up slowly, and hold it in front of me. He looks at the pistol, but doesn’t make any movements.  
“I can’t kill someone Iwa. I’m not a murderer.” says Oikawa. I shift the gun so that I hold it in my left hand, and reach out to hold Oikawa’s hand with my right. I shift my gaze so that I’m looking into Oikawa’s eyes.  
“I know you aren’t, baby. I’m not asking you to kill anyone. I just want to keep you safe. In case I can’t help you, or I’m not there, I want you to be able to take care of yourself.” I say. Oikawa cocks his eyebrow, probably wondering why I wouldn't be able to be there. I ignore it, not wanting to think about it.  
“Why do I need to shoot? Won’t you always be there to take care of me?” Oikawa asks. I close my eyes racking my brain for an answer to his question that won’t freak him out even more. Although instead of a response, I find a scene that horrifies me.  
I imagine Oikawa bloody and bruised, tied up to a chair with thick rope. He has a cloth over his face, and there are men pouring water over him. He’s getting waterboarded. Then I see my limp body in the corner. I wasn’t there to save him.  
I shake my head, trying desperately to get the image of Oikawa's soft pale skin covered in rope burn, cuts, and bruises out of my mind. I remind myself of the question Oikawa asked, and blurt the first answer that comes to mind.  
“You’re right, you probably won’t ever need to shoot a gun, but it would just make me feel better if you knew how.” Holding Oikawa’s hand in mine, I carefully bring it to the gun. I let go of my boyfriend’s hand, allowing him to make the decision for himself.  
Slowly but surely, his hand inches closer to the gun. His long pale fingers wrap around the hand grip, and his index finger slides against the trigger. I look up at him, feeling proud of the progress he’s made in such a short period of time.  
“Is it loaded?” Oikawa asks, his voice still slightly shaky. I can tell he’s still nervous about holding a gun, but he seems to have gotten over his initial shock over the situation.  
“Yeah,” I say, popping out the magazine to show him the bullets inside. “But the safety is on, so it won’t shoot.” Oikawa holds the gun up to his face so that he can look through the sights of the gun and aim it.  
“Do you want to go out to our shooting range?” I ask. In our warehouse, we've set up a small shooting range for practice. Sometimes we trade guns and try to shoot with each other’s, it usually takes some getting used to, but it’s the best feeling when you learn to shoot someone else’s gun straight.  
Oikawa looks at me, and I swear I see him smile slightly. “Sure.” he says, placing the gun back into my hands. 

____________________________  
I place my hand on Oikawa’s thigh as we pull into the parking lot next to a seemingly abandoned warehouse. I put my car in park, turn off the engine, undo my seatbelt and exit the red Chevy Volt. The car isn’t anything too fancy, but it’s partially electric, and doesn’t stand out too much.  
I walk around the front of the car, and open the passenger door for Oikawa. He steps out and examines the warehouse. It doesn't look like anything on the outside, but that’s really the whole point. With Oikawa’s new pistol tucked in the back of my pants, I grab my boyfriend’s hand and walk into the warehouse.  
The warehouse is pretty big, so we’ve split it up into different sections using curtains so that everyone can have their own space. There is a center aisle down the long side of the building, with little rooms for people, the shooting range lying at the far side of the warehouse.  
“Boss! How’ve you been?” A tall man with wild black hair asks. “Who’ve you brought with you?” he says, eyeing Oikawa while he elbows me in the ribs. I slap his arm gently and let go of Oikawa’s hand.  
“This is Kuroo.” I say to my boyfriend. “He's supposed to be the chemist of the group, but he spends most of his time distracting others.” I say lightheartedly.  
“Aw don’t be like that.” says Kuroo jokingly. “Anyways I realized that shit you gave me last week. Turns out it’s not some type of street drug.” Kuroo tosses a container filled with a colorless granulated crystal.  
“It’s potassium cyanide. Mostly used for gold mining, electroplating, organic synthesis, and as a poison. This is the stuff that people would take in a capsule pill to kill themselves before someone had a chance to do it slower.” Kuroo explains.  
“Where’d you get this?” he asks, taking the container back. It brings the cyanide up to his face so that he can take a closer look at it.  
“Tell you later, I’m showing Oikawa here around right now.” I say, brushing past Kuroo. He chases after me, getting in the way of the shooting range.  
“Woah, woah woah, Oikawa?” he asks. I nod, hoping he’ll leave us alone. “As in the Oikawa?” Kuroo asks again. I sigh, and nod my head again.  
“Oi, Kenma, get over here! Boss brought his boyfriend!” shouts Kuroo. A small, tired looking man with his hair up in a bun and a pair of headphones over his ears walks over to us.  
“This is Kenma, Kuroo’s boyfriend.” I tell Oikawa. Kenma pulls his headphones down onto his neck and glares at me.  
“Did you just introduce me as Kuroo’s boyfriend?” He asks. Kuroo smiles and leans down to kiss Kenma on the cheek, only to be shoved away playfully.  
“Fine, this is Kenma, he’s supposed to be our tech guy but really just drinks iced coffee and plays Fortnite.” I say, reintroducing him. Kenma looks up at me, looking offended.  
“How dare you! I play Minecraft, not Fortnite you uncultured piece of trash. I will personally snap the neck of anyone who plays Fortnite, that game is shit.” Kenma says angrily.  
Oikawa looks slightly surprised that someone that small has so much attitude. “Don’t worry, he’s mean to everyone.” I explain to Oikawa. “Is Bo here?” I ask Kuroo.  
“Yeah, but I think he’s making out with Akashi.” Kuroo says dismissively. I roll my eyes, knowing that he’s probably right. The two of them are like a couple of horny fifteen year old's, they literally can’t go twenty minutes without having their tongues in each other's mouths.  
“What about Tsukki and Yams? Or Mad-Dog and Saeko?” I ask. Kuroo thinks for a moment, then shrugs. I look at Kenma, to see if he's seen them, but he has his headphones on, and is doing something on his phone now, clearly not paying any attention to our conversation.  
“Don’t know, I haven’t seen the lovebirds yet today, but they might be here. And Mad-dog and Saeko are doing their own thing, but they’re here.” Kuroo says. With that, Kuroo puts his hand on Kenma’s shoulder and guides him back to his PC.  
“So that was Kuroo and Kenma,” I tell Oikawa, he nods, but I can tell he’s a bit overwhelmed by all of this. “Kuroo’s a bit much, but you get used to it. I’ve still gotta introduce Saeko, Mad-dog, Tsukki, Yams, Bo, Akashi, and Suga to you, but if you want, we can do that later.”  
“If you don’t mind, I’d like to meet them now.” Oikawa says, following me as I walk down the center aisle to the space where Akashi and Bokuto usually are.  
“I’m coming in!” I announce. “And I better not walk in on anything.” I say loudly. I hear shuffling behind the curtains, and the zip of the fly of jeans. I wait until the sounds stop to pull back the curtains and walk in, Oikawa coming in after.  
“You guys are gross.” I say, nodding to Bokuto and Akashi. “Your shirt is inside out.” I say to Akashi, who is sitting in an office chair by a desk. I look at Bokuto and smirk, tapping my neck twice in the spot where Akashi left a hickey on his neck.  
“This is Akashi,” I say, gesturing to the slender man with black hair sitting in the office chair. “and this is Bokuto, but we all call him Bo.” I say, nodding to the tall man with peppered hair. “Bokuto is the muscle of the group, and Akashi runs coms.” I tell Oikawa.  
Oikawa nods, and introduces himself. “Hey, I’m Oikawa.” he says, giving a small wave to the boys on the other side of the room.  
“Oh we know.” Akashi smirks. “Boss has told us all about you. We can’t get him to shut up ‘bout your fluffy brown hair, elegant hands, beautiful-”  
“I’ll fucking kill you” I growl. It’s true that I talk about Oikawa a lot in front of The Enigmas, but I don’t need them telling him about that, Oikawa’s ego is high enough already. Oikawa smiles wickedly and arches an eyebrow.  
“What is this you say about me, Iwa-chan?” Oikawa teases. Fuck, I’m never going to hear the end of this. Akashi smiles and looks Oikawa up and down, trying to remember what else I have said about him.  
“Well Iwa-chan always talks about how soft your lips are and how good you are at giving-” I walk over and slap Akashi across the face.  
I put my hand over his mouth and whisper quietly enough that nobody else can hear. “You’re dead.” Akashi pretends to pout, then raises his eyebrow, silently asking me what I’ll do. “Don’t think I don’t know about the USB drives you keep in your desk.” I remark. Akashi’s eyes go wide and he quickly shuts up.  
There’s a whole collection of USB drives in his desk. One day, once the rest of the boys had left, I was cleaning up, and I saw the desk drawer open. There were only a few in there at the time, so I assumed they were Kenma’s that Akashi had just borrowed.  
I plugged them in to see what was on them, and to my surprise, I found videos of Bo giving Akashi head, and Bo getting railed by Akashi. I quickly put them back in his desk, and pretended that I never saw them. It was a pretty traumatizing experience, but it makes for good blackmail.  
“Anyways, I’ve gotta go introduce Oikawa to the other love birds here. See you later.” I say, pulling the curtains back and leading Oikawa back into the main aisle. I lead him to another curtain cubby, and pull aside the makeshift wall to reveal Tsukki and Yamaguchi leaning over a table, their faces suspiciously close.  
“Go away.” Says Tsukki, glaring at me. I ignore him, and pull Oikawa into the room. Tsukki purses his lips and breathes in an angry way.  
“What was that for? I haven’t even done anything yet!” I say defensively. Yams leans back in his chair and stretches his back. He’s used to Tsukki fighting arguments over literally nothing by now.  
“Yet.” Tsukki repeats. “What do you even want?” He says, scowling. Yamaguchi observes Oikawa, probably wondering who he is. I take note and decide to introduce him first.  
“Oikawa, this is Yamaguchi, but everyone calls him Yams. That's Tsukishima, but you can call him Tsukki.” I say, gesturing to each boy.  
“No you can’t. Call me Tsukishima.” Tsukki demands. Yams scoffs and I roll my eyes. Everyone calls him Tsukki, I don’t even know why he bothers to tell us to call him by his full name. “Only Yams gets to call my Tsukki.” he explains.  
“What? I call you Kei.” Comments Yamaguchi. Tsukki pinches the bridge of his nose as if we are giving him a headache.  
“Honestly, I forget what they do. Yams is like our kid and Tsukki is just his love interest I guess.” I explain. Yamaguchi’s face turns pink and he puts his face into his hands.  
“Did you just introduce me as his love interest?” Tsukki asks. “I fucking hate you. I carry this whole gang. I am the brains behind everything that happens here.” Objects Tsukki.  
“Half the people here can’t even read. I hate to break it to you, but knowing the multiplication tables doesn’t make you smart.” I argue. Tsukki turns his attention back to Yams. “Oooo you’re mad I’m right.” I tease.  
“Fuck off.” He says in response, flipping me off. I roll my eyes, and draw back the curtain to leave them alone.  
“Sorry about him!” Calls out Yamaguchi. I smile to myself, feeling proud. We raised him well. I walk over to the section of the warehouse where Suga usually is. I brush open the curtains, and walk in.  
“This is Suga, he’s the wine aunt.” I say, introducing the man sitting with his feet up on the table in front of us. His dress shirt is unbuttoned, and his hair is a mess. He has a bottle of wine in his left hand and his phone in his right.  
“He’s got mommy issues and an alcohol problem, but he’s everyone’s favorite.” I explain. I step forward to take the wine out of his hand, but he yanks it away. I grab again, and tear it out of his grip.  
“You really exposed me there.” Suga laughs. He reaches behind his chair, and grabs another bottle of wine. He pulls a cork opener out of his pocket and opens the bottle. He takes a long sip, then looks back up to see my reaction. I frown at him, and he resumes his day drinking and self pity.  
“I miss Daichi.” Suga whines. He takes another long sip of wine, and I pull the bottle out of his arms. How he’s not dead of alcohol poisoning is beyond me.  
“Man, just jerk off at this point.” I suggest. Suga glares at me, and reaches for the bottles of wine I set down on the table.  
“Daichi is Suga’s boyfriend.” I say to Oikawa, “He’s undercover a a cop right now, so Suga’s sex deprived.” I explain.  
“I can’t jerk off, I’m in a relationship, that’s like cheating or something. It’s against my morals.” Suga complains.  
“Dude it’s literally fine, plus when do you care about morals? You’ve killed more people than I can count on two hands, and haven’t been sober since I met you.” I scoff.  
“Oh eat ass.” Suga responds lightheartedly. “Are you going to introduce me to your friend here?” He asks. I start to speak, but he cuts me off, “I assume it’s the famous Oikawa. Boss talks about you a lot.” says Suga.  
“No I don’t. I don’t know how they know you.” I say to Oikawa. “They probably just cling to anything I say that isn’t work related.” I explain. It’s partially a lie, because I do talk about Oikawa a bit, but not so much that he’s a familiar character.  
“Whatever you say.” Says Suga, rolling his eyes. “Hey, pass me that bottle, will you?” He asks, pointing to a bottle of wine across the table.  
I toss a water bottle at Suga, and his delayed reactions cause him to drop it. “Sober up.” I say while he glares at me. “We’ve got something going on tomorrow and I need you there.” I say. Suga flips me off, but starts taking small sips out of the water bottle.  
I pull back the curtains to walk back into the center aisle of the warehouse, and Oikawa pulls me close. “Did you really mean what you said about the people he’s killed?” He whispers. I shrug and nod my head yes. “Does that mean that you’ve killed people?” Oikawa asks.  
I was hoping he wouldn’t ask that. The answer is yes, I’ve killed more people than I can count, but I don’t think he would take that information well. I distract Oikawa from the question by kissing him on the cheek, then leading him to Saeko’s room.  
“This is Saeko and Mad-dog, they're in love but won't admit it.” I say to Oikawa, gesturing to each person as I speak. “Saeko is our getaway driver and mechanic. And Mad-Dog is the best ‘mano y mano’ we’ve got.” I explain.  
“And that’s Oikawa, your boyfriend?” Asks Saeko, raising a wrench to point at Oikawa. I nod, and the two of them smile. “Epic, see you around.” they say, getting back to fixing whatever piece of metal is broken now.  
Oikawa and I leave the enclosed space, and walk towards the shooting range. “That’s everyone, well except Daichi, but he’s undercover so we don’t see him much.” I conclude. Oikawa nods, trying to remember the names and faces of everyone I just introduced to him  
“So, are you ready to learn to shoot?” I ask, pulling his gun out of the waistband of my jeans.

____________________________  
“This is the safety.” I explain to Oikawa, who is holding the nine millimeter pistol in his hands. “As long as it’s flipped to the side it’s on now, the gun won’t shoot. If you switch it like this,” I say, flipping the safety off, “Then the gun will shoot.”  
Oikawa nods, and flips the safety a few times to get a feel for it. “Now you pull this down till it clicks, and you’re ready to shoot.” I say, cocking the gun for him. Oikawa lines up the target between the sights, takes a breath in, then shoots the gun.  
“There you go! I’m so proud of you!” I congratulate. Oikawa grins at me, flipping the gun's safety back on. Akashi walks down the center aisle, Bo not far behind him.  
“Well would you look at that,” Akashi says, “It looks like Iwa-chan’s gone soft.” he says, mocking me. “What about me, are you proud of me, Iwa-chan?” He asks, imitating Oikawa’s voice.  
“Oh god, Bo, can’t you just go back to giving him head so he’ll shut the hell up?” I ask. Bo’s face turns pink, but Akashi just smirks. “You know you talk a lot of shit for someone who can’t fight.” I tell Akashi.  
“Why would I bother? I’ve always got this handsome fella to do it for me.” He says, running his hands under Bo’s shirt, pulling it up to reveal spots of red and purple. I make a gagging motion, and Glare at Akashi. He and I actually get along really well, but we love getting on each other's nerves.  
“Oh fuck off or I’ll cast those videos onto the side of the building next time we have movie night.” I threaten. Despite having a kill count higher than the rest of the gang combined, I’m still the one who insists on watching a movie together at least twice a month.  
“You won’t.” Akashi says casually, inspecting his nails. He and Oikawa are actually pretty similar, I think they’ll get along pretty well.  
“Oh? And why not?” I ask, pulling my pocket knife out of my back pocket to clean it off. I switch out the blade and pull on my shirt to wipe the fingerprints off of it.  
“Because your boyfriend will leave you to get with me after seeing how much bigger I am.” He says with a grin. I start to move towards him so that I can slap him across the face again, but Oikawa grabs the collar of my t-shirt, preventing me from moving forwards.  
“Iwa, aren't you supposed to be teaching me to shoot or something?” He asks, sounding bored. “I’m running out of patience, you know.” he whines.  
“Fine, you got lucky. I’ve gotta teach this moron to fight. Bo, I suggest you teach him too, he’s gonna need it.” I say. I tuck my pocket knife back in and put it on my belt loops, then turn my attention back to Oikawa.  
“Will you teach me how to fight?” Oikawa asks, “I wanna learn how to beat someone up, ya’know? Make ‘em pay.” He says, cracking his knuckles. I try to stifle a laugh, but a giggle still escapes my lips. “What?” asks Oikawa.  
“First of all, you weigh like one hundred forty pounds, I can already tell you you’re going to suck at fighting. And second of all, I’m not teaching you this shit so you can beat up that kid you beat you in a volleyball match in middle school.” I say, rolling my eyes. Oikawa gasps dramatically, acting as if he is terribly offended by this statement.  
“I’ll have you know I weigh one hundred and forty five pounds. And who told you I was going to beat up Tobio?” he asks, “They were right, but I wanna know who snitched.”  
“Rule number one of violence, don’t start fights you can’t win.” I say with a sigh. Oikawa gasps again and crosses his arms angrily over his chest.  
“Are you saying you think I would lose a fight to Tobio?” He yells. “That bitch can’t even order food without help from that short, annoying, little ginger!” he says.  
“Look, if you want to learn to shoot, or how to handle a knife, I’m your guy, but I’m not going to teach you how to throw a left hook at poor Tobio.” I say.  
“Knife skills? So you’ll teach me how to stab him?” Oikawa asks, paying attention to me for once. “Great, let’s get started then.” he says, reaching for the pocket knife on my belt. I swat his hand away and glare at him.  
“What I’m saying, is that I only start fights that I know I can win, and are actually worth fighting over. Keeping in mind that that’s not the case for you, I’m only gonna teach you self defense.” I say.  
Oikawa sighs, but reluctantly agrees to continue learning how to shoot. He’s not as bad as I thought he would be, but I currently wouldn’t count on him to be able to pull the trigger if something were to happen. Unfortunately, the only way to fix that is to build up his tolerance to violence, and I refuse to expose Oikawa to that.  
“Did you see that one Iwa-chan?” Oikawa says, his tone giddy, “I hit the bull’s eye!” he exclaims. I refocus my eyes to see the target, and sure enough, he hit the center part.  
“Are Akashi and Bo always like this?” he asks, nodding to the couple who are pecking each other's faces in the corner. Akashi has his hand up Bo’s shirt and Bo is running his big hands through Akashi’s black hair.  
“Yeah, pretty much.” I say with a sigh. “Akashi likes to tease people, so he’s probably overdoing it a smidge today, but they’re always pretty smitten. Kuroo and Bo have been friends forever, and one time they kissed to make their boyfriends jealous. Kenma honestly didn’t care much, but Akashi became super possessive after that. He can’t keep his hands off Bo.” I explain.  
“Wait, Kuroo and Bo kissed? As friends, or were they actually considering a relationship?” Oikawa asks, his expression confused.  
“No, I’m sure there were no feelings behind it. They’re the kinda friends to have sex casually to practice for later. In fact, I’m sure they have in the past.” I say, glancing over at the Bo.  
“And their boyfriends are alright with that?” Oikawa says, shifting his head and putting his hands on his hips.  
“Man, I don’t know. It could have been before they got together, or to make them jealous, whatever the reason, I’m sure it wasn’t thought out well. Kenma is pretty chill, and doesn’t let things like that bother him. He knows Kuroo loves him more than anything, so he doesn’t bother to correct his silly behavior anymore.” I tell Oikawa.  
“And Akashi loves to hate everyone. He literally exists to piss us off, but somehow, the team wouldn’t function without him. He’s the only one other than Yams that Tsukki will talk to, and sometimes can even get Suga to sober up.” I explain. He’s annoying as hell, but he makes the gears turn.  
“Didn’t you get him to sober up? Like when you took his wine, right?” Asks Oikawa.  
“Nah, he’s probably got another stash of something hidden in here, and he’ll get drunk off that. The only reason he can function on jobs is because he smokes crack to heighten his senses before we go in. I honestly don’t know how it hasn’t killed him yet.” I explain.  
Oikawa looks at me, shock smeared across his face. “Some leader you are! You’re just going to let him get drunk and high until he dies?” Oikawa accuses.  
“Yeah, I am. He’s been through more shit then the rest of us combined, so I don’t blame him for trying to forget. Without Daichi, he’s only living because he hasn’t died yet.” I know Suga’s habits aren’t healthy, but I don’t want to see him go through the pain of being sober.  
“Then get Daichi back! I don’t know who he is, or what he does, but it seems the people here would be better off with him around!” Yells Oikawa. His morals are too good to let Suga suffer like this, which is why I love him, but he doesn’t understand the reasoning behind my decision to ask Daichi to go undercover.  
“Keep your voice down.” I say calmly. I noticed Akashi glance over at us, and I don’t want the rest of the gang to get their hopes up about Daichi coming back. “And I can’t pull him out yet. Until I find a way to resolve the issue at hand, I need the cops on our side.” I explain.  
“And what issue is that?” Asks Oikawa. He’s starting to get angry, and I need to find a way to calm him down before he has a fit.  
“Have you ever seen West Side Story?” I ask. I know the answer, Oikawa’s seen just about every musical with decent popularity, but I need to ask the question to get his mind off being mad.  
“Yeah, about a million times, it’s a classic, why?” he asks, his interest peaked at the mention of one of his favorite musicals.  
“Well, I killed Maria.” I explain. Oikawa gasps and slaps his hand over his mouth.  
“What do you mean you killed Maria? SHE’S THE BEST CHARACTER!” he yells. I should have known not to bring a musical into this, now he’s going to over react. “Iwa how could you?”  
“In my defense, it was an accident. Kinda.” I say. The story is pretty complicated, and I’d rather not get into it, but I have a feeling Oikawa isn’t going to let me leave it as this. Oikawa glares at me, prompting me to continue.  
“I didn’t mean to! I was just supposed to break into her apartment, rough her up a bit, so that she would tell her boyfriend to get out of our way, you know, intimidate them or something. But then she had a gun, and she was gonna shoot me, so I had to kill her.” I explain.  
“So you broke into a woman's apartment and when she tried to defend herself, you shot her?” Oikawa recaps, “Iwa you realize how that sounds, right?”  
“Yes! Yes, I know how that sounds, Oikawa.” I snap. “I had never killed someone who hadn’t crossed me first before that. I felt terrible about it, and I still do. You don’t need to remind me.” Oikawa senses that this is something I don’t want to talk about, especially around the boys.  
“Do you want to go home?” He offers, reaching out to grab my hand. I nod, and start cleaning stuff up. I tuck the gun back into the waist of my jeans, and turn to Oikawa, who is waiting on me. I shout a quick goodbye to the boys, then walk over to my Volt.  
Once Oikawa and I are in the car together, he slides his hand onto my thigh. He smiles weakly at me, and I can tell this is his way of apologizing for our minor fight a few minutes back. When I don’t say anything, Oikawa leans over to rest his head on my shoulder.  
“I’m driving.” I say, gently pushing him off of me. Oikawa frowns, and resumes rubbing his thumb across my thigh. I can tell there is something he wants to say, but doesn’t know if he should. “Say it.” I demand, not wanting to let this small fight grow into something major because of communication issues.  
“Can I ask you something?” Oikawa says. I can feel him watching me carefully, trying to judge how upset I am.  
“Is my response to that question really going to change rather you ask the question or not?” I ask, knowing that it won’t.  
“Fair point.” Oikawa notes. “I wanted to ask if the nightmares you've been having recently were because of Maria.” I tense up at the mention of nightmares. Oikawa is a heavy sleeper, and he’s never mentioned them before, so I assumed he was always too deep in sleep to notice when I wake up in the middle of the night.  
“How did you know about those?” I ask. Oikawa ignores my question, and gently squeezes my thigh, reminding me about the question he asked. “Don’t call her Maria.” I say, avoiding his question.  
“What was her name then?” Oikawa asks. “It’s Alisa, isn’t it?” I shudder when I hear her name. Alisa. Oikawa takes his hand off of my leg, and a chill runs down my spine, pulling me out of my thoughts.  
“How? Yeah, but how?” I stammer. I try to focus on the road, but the mention of Alisa forces my mind to remember things I’ve tried to forget.  
“You always talk about her in your sleep right before you wake up. She’s in your nightmares, isn’t she?” I nod, “I’m sorry Iwa, I can tell that you regret it. Why don’t you wake me up next time you have a nightmare, and then we can talk about it.” Oikawa suggests.  
I nod again, and Oikawa turns on the radio. He starts to hum along to the song playing, and I let my thoughts roam as I drive, trying to keep them off of Alisa, and everything that happened that night.

____________________________  
Soon enough, it became fairly regular for Oikawa to come out to the warehouse with me. He has become a much better shot, and Mad-Dog has started to teach him how to deal with hand to hand combat. Everyone has warmed up to him, and even Tsukki and Kenma have had a few conversations with him.  
Akashi and Bo have cooled off a little, and Oikawa is learning so quickly. Suga is still drinking, but it’s not going to be easy to help him break that habit. Things have been going pretty smoothly, and if they stay like this for a bit longer, Daichi might be able to come back.  
Even my nightmares have gotten better. I still can’t sleep through most nights, but I’m starting to be able to go back to bed after my bad dreams. Sometimes I walk Oikawa up, and he’s been really great about helping me calm down.  
Something tells me that this newfound peace won’t last long enough for that. Everyone looks so happy, and at ease, I hate knowing that it’s all going to get disrupted sooner or later. I let my mind drift to all different situations that could occur, and how I would respond in each one.  
BANG! I jump a little at the sound. I turn my head towards the shooting range on instinct, looking for who’s shooting, but no one is there. My stomach drops, and I realize that the shots are coming from the warehouse.  
Hastily, I grab the glock that has been discarded on the table in front of me, and run towards the clamor. I dart behind a desk, and rack my brain for a plan  
Think, think. Kenma, Tsukki, Yams, Saeko, and Mad-Dog aren’t here today, but that leaves Kuroo, Bo, Akashi, Suga, and Oikawa at risk of getting shot. I need to know what's going on.  
There are a lot of men, but they don’t seem to be shooting at people. Even then, someone is bound to get hurt with all these bullets flying.  
I hear someone scream, and immediately know it’s Oikawa. Is he hurt? Did they shoot him? Is he going to live? My mind races with panicked thoughts and graphic images of my boyfriend's body lying limp.  
“Where’s Hajime?” a loud, stern voice asks. I hear a slapping noise, followed by a whimper from Oikawa.  
“I’m right here,” I say, walking into the main aisle, my gun fixed on the man by Oikawa. I tense up when I see the silver blade being pressed against his pale neck. “Let him go, he didn’t do anything,” I say.  
“Why shouldn't I kill him? Kill him right here like you did my Alisa?” The man shouts, pressing the knife harder against Oikawa’s neck. Oikawa winces and leans his head back, trying to put some distance between himself and the blade.  
It would be fair for him to kill Oikawa, but there’s no way I’m letting that happen. I would rather die than let him hurt my boyfriend. I don’t want to shoot yet, because his henchmen would probably kill everyone here, but I have to do something to save Oikawa.  
“Because he’s not my boyfriend.” I lie. Oikawa looks at me, his expression hurt and confused. “That’s Kuroo’s older brother. He means nothing to me.” I explain, hoping that they will let Oikawa go when they realize they can’t use him as leverage.  
“He doesn’t mean anything to you, huh?” the man repeats. “Well then you wouldn't have a problem with it if I killed him, would you?” The man presses the blade farther into Oikawa’s neck, and blood starts to trickle from the cut.  
“No!” I shout, reaching my hand out to Oikawa “I mean, Kuroo would be pissed off if I let his brother die.” I say, trying to stay calm. “Right Kuroo?” I shout, hoping he'll come out and back up my story. Kuroo steps out from behind a table, and nods.  
“You can’t kill him, he’s mom’s favorite.” Kuroo pleads. The man scoffs, and continues pressing the silver blade against Oikawa’s skin.  
“You don’t look alike.” He observes. “Are you sure you’re siblings?” He snears. Kuroo bites his lip while racking his brain for an explanation.  
“Well we’re step siblings. We’ve got different dads. My dad was abusive so mom left him and married his dad. He’s the favorite kid, you can’t kill him!” Kuroo stammers.  
“Christ, I came here to kill Iwaizumi, not hear you fucking childhood trauma.” The man says with an ice cold tone. “I’ll make you a deal, I’ll give you him back, if you guys slide me your guns.” I do as he asks, and kick the gun towards him. Kuroo holds his hands up to show that he doesn’t have a weapon.  
The man smiles, removes the knife from Oikawa’s throat, and tosses him onto the ground. I nod at Kuroo, and he runs up to carry Oikawa back and sits him against a table that had gotten turned onto its side.  
While my attention was turned to the man who had Oikawa, it slipped past my eye that the other men that broke in had seemingly vanished. I notice now that they were checking the warehouse for other people, and now have Akashi and Bo tied up. They must not have found Suga yet, or maybe they just decided to leave him, since he’s probably blackout drunk anyway.  
The men who have just finished tying up Akashi and Bo move on to Kuroo and Oikawa. Kuroo puts up a fight, but he’s quickly overpowered. Oikawa is too shocked to react to everything that’s happening.  
I brainstorm ways to get out of this sticky situation, but nothing seems like it will work. I still have my knife on my belt loop, but you know what they say about bringing a knife to a gunfight. There doesn't seem to be any course of action that won't get me killed.  
“If you’re gonna kill me, just do it,” I say casually. “I don’t have time for all this drama, just shoot me already.” I walk towards the man with the gun. He raises the pistol and aims at my head.  
“Don’t tempt me,” he grins, “I’m not going to kill you yet. You don’t deserve to die that quickly,” he growls. “Not after what you did to Alisa. Do you know anything about her? Do you remember what you did to her?” he asks angrily.  
“Of course I remember. She was tall, and skinny with light hair and green eyes. She was eating sea urchin sushi that night.” I recall. The man glares at me, and I walk closer to him. If I can get close enough without him shooting, I can grab my gun that I kicked over here and turn the tables.  
“And you killed her. You piece of shit! You fucking killed her!” He shouts, tears starting to well in his waterline. I gingerly step closer, only a few feet away from the gun on the ground.  
“I know and I’m so so sorry.” I say crouching down. “But do you really think that this is what would make Alisa happy?” I ask, carefully wrapping my fingers round the gun on the ground. Suddenly, a foot harshly contacts my ribs.  
I hear Oikawa scream, and quickly check to make sure they haven’t hurt him. He looks fine, so I assume his outburst was out of concern for me. His scream reminds me of how bad this situation really is, I’m on the ground, defenseless, with who knows how many guns aimed at me head.  
“Don’t talk like you know what she would have wanted!” the man says, pressing his pistol into the side of my head. I tense up at the feeling of cool metal against my temple. There has got to be a way to fix this.  
I have an idea, but it probably won’t work. Although at this point, I’m desperate enough to try it anyway.  
I roll out from under the man, and try to stand up, but a sharp pain in my ribs stops me. They must be broken. I reach for my knife, and pull it off my belt, but it won’t do much good. Until I can get back on my feet, I can’t do much with the blade.  
“Don’t you dare touch him! I’ll fucking kill you for that!” Oikawa screams. “Don’t touch him, I SAID DON”T TOUCH HIM!” Oikawa cried. One of the henchmen kicks Oikawa harshly, and he yelps in pain.  
It was fine before, when my actions just affected myself. I could deal with the consequences when they only hurt me, but now that it’s Oikawa that has to suffer, I can feel myself losing it.  
“Take care of Oikawa for me Kuroo!” I shout. “Promise me you’ll keep him safe. Promise me!” I cry. Hot tears begin to roll down my face, burning as if they were acid, not salt water. I glance back at the boys and notice Suga still isn’t here, which I suppose is a good thing, although I doubt he’s in a state to help Oikawa.  
I feel another kick pound into my stomach, and I curl up in pain. I am vaguely aware of screaming around me, but it’s hard to tell who’s voice it is. The screams start to sound like sirens, and I feel my senses fade as I lose consciousness.


	2. Chapter 2

I start to gain control over my body, and immediately am overcome with a feeling of pain. The throbbing in my head reminds me of being deep underwater, and how the pressure squeezes your body. I try to take a deep breath in, but the burning in my lungs causes me to choke on air.  
“Oh good, he’s awake.” says a distant voice. I try to open my eyes to locate the person who spoke, but there is a bright light that forces me to squint. I try to move my hands to cradle my head, but something stops them from moving.   
“Oikawa?” I groan. I can’t remember who he is, or what he looks like, but I remember the name. Oikawa. I hear overlapping voices, but my head hurts too much to decipher any of what they’re saying.   
I open my eyes just enough that I can see the silhouettes of people moving around me. There seems to be about half a dozen people in the room, but there could be more. I hear a click, followed by white noise. Did they turn on a radio?  
“Wasn’t Oikawa the step-brother of that kid?” someone asks. Their question is followed by affirmative mutters, but no more clear dialogue. I ignore the sharp pain in my shoulder while I adjust my posture so that my field of vision is perpendicular to the ground.  
There is more muttering, and I feel something tickle my hands. I pull them away, and this time, nothing prevents them from moving. I lean my head into my hands, but pull back when I realize there is something on them.   
I force myself to open my eyes, and examine my hands. To my horror, they are covered in a thick, warm, crimson fluid. Blood. It is caked underneath my fingernails, and has gotten smeared up my arms. I attempt to steady my breathing to keep the pain in my ribs from returning.  
“Blood! There’s blood, someone's hurt!” I sputter. The people around me look at each other and smirk. I hear someone laugh from across the room, then others begin to join in until the entire room is full of laughter. “Are you crazy? I said that there’s blood. That means someone is hurt. Stop laughing and help them!” I shout.   
“Silly Hajime, that blood is yours.” remarks a large man standing in front of me. What is he saying? It doesn’t make sense. Who is Hajime? And why did he say that the blood is mine? I can’t be bleeding that much, I don’t have a cut that big.  
Someone brings my hands together, and wraps them in coarse twine, restraining my motion. Not being able to move freely bothers me, but not nearly as much as my lack of understanding in this situation.   
My mind is overwhelmed by these questions. I have so much to ask about, but I can only manage to get one word off my tongue. “What?” I ask the man in front of me. He looks angry, but I don’t remember anything happening that would have upset him.   
“You smartass!” The man yells, grabbing me by my hair. His thick fingers tear through my short hair which is crusty from the blood. He roughly kicks me in the diaphragm, and I double over, clutching my stomach. My lungs spasm, and I gasp for breath.  
“What the hell was that for?” I gasp angrily. I can’t remember anything from before I woke up, but I know how to read a room, and clearly this room is full of people who don’t like me too well.  
“That was for killing my girlfriend, you bitch!” The angry man shouts. What? I wouldn’t kill anybody. He must have the wrong guy, I would never hurt someone, especially not a girl. I close my eyes to try to remember who this man is, and anything about his girlfriend, but nothing comes to mind.  
“I didn’t kill you girlfriend, you must have the wrong guy.” I say defensively. I thought that maybe he would realize his mistake and let me go, but he looks even angrier than before.   
“You bitch, you admitted to it just this morning. You killed Alisa, so now I’m going to kill you.” He spits. He takes a step closer, and pulls out a small knife from his pocket. “Nice and slow.” He says with a grin, moving the knife to the side of my face.   
I feel the cool meatal of the blade press against the side of my cheek. I wince in pain as the knife begins to cut into my face. “I couldn’t have admitted to killing your girlfriend this morning! This morning I was-” I shout. What was I doing this morning? I can’t remember anything from before I woke up.   
“You were what?” Asks the man with the knife. I shake my head, and he continues talking. “You were in the warehouse when we broke in to kill you. But one of your little buddies snitched and called the cops, cutting our visit short.” growls the man, his tone sickening.   
“I’m sorry, I’m sorry, I really don’t remember any of that.” I apologize. What warehouse? And who are my ‘little buddies’? Maybe he’s talking about Oikawa. Maybe Oikawa is my friend.   
“Shut it, Hajime.” growls the man, “I don’t want to hear any more of your half-assed excuses or apologies, not unless they can bring Alisa back.” he says, continuing to cut into my cheekbone.   
“Who’s Hajime?” I ask, “And is Alisa your girlfriend?” I ask, ignoring the pain of my skin being cut open. He’s mentioned both names before, but I still can’t put a face or personality to either person.   
“Boss, I think you might have hit him a little too hard.” Someone laughs. The man with the knife whips his head around, and slaps the person who spoke across the face. They bring their hands to their face and clutch where it was hit.   
“Speak again and it will be my knife.” He threatens. “Do you really not remember anything that happened today? Or anytime before today?” he asks.  
“No, I don’t. I remember a name, Oikawa, but that’s it.” I confess. I wish he would answer my questions, but I suppose I can settle for not getting cut open like some biology class’s frog.  
“Godamnit!” The man shouts. “That’ll take out all the fun of killing you!” He exclaims. He spins his knife around in his hand, probably thinking about what he’s going to do to me. I still don’t understand why he’s mad, or why I’m pretty calm given the situation.   
He said that I had killed his girlfriend, but I couldn’t have, right? I wouldn’t kill someone. But then again, what would I know? I can’t even remember my name. Oikawa. Maybe that’s my name. Earlier someone said that Oikawa was somebody's stepbrother. Do I have stepsiblings?  
What about Alisa and Hajime? Who are they? No I must be Hajime, the man said so, didn’t he? And Alisa is his girlfriend, right? The woman I supposedly killed. So then who’s Oikawa?   
“Fuck! I’ll deal with this in the morning. Until then, leave me alone.” The man with the knife announces. I hear his footsteps echo as he walks away from him. Most of the men in the room follow him, but a few people stay.  
Three tall men walk up to me, and I brace for more abuse. Two of them look alike, the only significant difference is their hair color. The one on the left has blonde hair, and the one on the right has grey hair. The man standing in the middle has dark brown hair, and is slightly taller than the other two.  
“What?” I scowl, “You come to beat me up too?” I ask. The boys smile, but not in a threatening way. They seem almost... genuine?  
“Nah, sorry about boss though.” says the man in the middle. “I’m Suna, and this is Atsumu and Osamu.” He says nodding to the men on his left and right.   
“So you really can’t remember anything?” The blonde asks, “Man, boss is probably pissed, he was really looking forward to killing you, you know.”  
“Ignore him.” Interrupts the man with grey hair. “He hardly ever says anything worth listening to. Anyways, you must have a ton of questions. Ask away.” he says. I don’t want to get my hopes up too high, but these guys actually seem pretty nice.   
“Is my name Hajime? And is Alisa that guy’s girlfriend? And do you know who Oikawa is?” I ask. The three boys stare at me with blank faces.  
“Damn, you really don’t remember anything.” Says the blonde again. Osamu punches him in the arm and Suna glares at him.   
“Dumbass, he already said that.” Argues Osamu. I’m pretty sure they are siblings. They look a lot alike, and they are too mean to each other to be friends.   
“Yeah, your name is Iwaizumi Hajime. And yeah, Alisa was the boss's girlfriend. And Oikawa is Kuroo’s cousin, or at least that’s what you said earlier.” Explains Suna. Iwaizumi Hajime. It’s crazy that everyone I talk to knows me better than I know myself.   
“Who’s Kuroo? And did I kill Alisa?” I ask, glad that someone is finally explaining things to me.   
“Kuroo is a member of your gang, The Enigmas. I think he’s a scientist or something like that. And yeah, according to the boss, you killed Alisa.” Explains Osamu.  
“Damn, I have a gang? And I killed someone? I feel awful, I don’t even remember killing her.” I say remorsefully. I wonder how I killed her. Did I shoot her? Stab her? Murder her with my bare hands? Did I have a reason, or am I really just a cold blooded murderer?  
“Well if you lost your memory, then you probably don’t remember killing a lot of people.” Atsumu says dismissively. It takes me a moment to process his words, but when I do, my stomach drops.   
“You mean I’ve killed more than one person? How many?” I ask, eager for a response, but also not wanting an answer.   
“I can’t give you an exact number. It’s more than 2 and less than seven billion.” Says Atsumu with a grin. Suna elbows him in the rib, then turns his attention to me.   
“I guess this is a lot to process, huh?” Asks Suna. I nod in response to his question. “Are you tired? You were out cold for about seven hours today, but I don’t know if being knocked unconscious and losing all your memories really counts as sleep.” He chuckles.   
“Yeah, I'm a bit tired, but I doubt I’ll be able to sleep.” I complain. Suna arches an eyebrow, inquiring about my previous statement. “I doubt it’s easy to sleep when you’re sitting in a chair with your hands tied up. Plus, I’m still bleeding.” I say.  
“Shit, sorry about that. I can clean off your face, but the boss would kill us if we untied you. I think you’re stuck sleeping in a chair tonight.” Says Osamu.   
He uses a cloth in his back pocket and some alcohol out of a flask he took from Suna to clean off the cut on my cheek. The alcohol burns my skin, but at least I won’t get infected.   
After cleaning off my cuts, the boys leave the room, which is now empty. I still have a million questions, but they will have to wait for tomorrow. Right now, all I want to do is sleep. 

____________________________

“Pst, boss.” Someone whispers. Oh no, is he back? “Hey, boss.” The voice whispers again. I slowly open my eyes, and wince at the bright light being shined in my face. I try to move my hands to shield my eyes, but they are still tied behind me.   
It takes a moment for my eyes to adjust, but eventually I can make out several figures in front of me. Two of them are pretty tall, but the other is average height. Could they be the boys I talked to last night? No, all three of them were tall.   
“What?” I ask. I can’t tell how long I’ve been asleep, but however long it’s been, it wasn’t long enough. My body still aches, and my head still hurts. I really don’t want to have to deal with anything this early.   
“We came to bust you out.” The tallest of the three says. I crinkle my forehead in confusion, and he continues explaining the situation. “It’s me, Kuroo. Daichi, Bo and I are here to take you back to the warehouse.” he says.  
“Kuroo? As in Oikawa’s stepbrother?” I ask. Kuroo looks at me funny, but then smiles and laughs quietly. The shortest of the group walks behind me and starts undoing the knots holding my arms behind me.   
“We're still going on with that, Boss?” Asks Kuroo. Going on with what? Who’s Bo and Daichi? Where is this warehouse everyone keeps talking about?  
“Thanks,” I mutter to the person who just finished untying my hands. “What's going on? I ask, hoping these three boys will be as talkative as the last.   
“I already told you, Daichi, Bo, and I came to getcha out of here.” Says Kuroo. “What, you get hit in the head too hard?” He jokes. It would have been funny if that wasn’t exactly the case.  
“Yeah actually, apparently I did. I can’t remember anything from before when I woke up in this room. Except for a name - Oikawa. I’ve had a few things explained to me, but my understanding of everything that’s happening is pretty minimal.” I say.   
“Shit.” Mutters the second tallest man. He has spiky peppered hair, and broad shoulders. “Well in that case, I’m Bokouto, but everyone calls me Bo.” He says, offering a hand to shake. I take it, and take note of how firm his grip on my hand is.   
“I’m Daichi,” Explains the shortest of the group. “Can you walk?” He asks, helping me out of the chair I’ve been sitting in. I nod, but take the hand he offers for support.   
“Let me carry you into the car, we can talk more then.” Offers Bokuto. He swoops me up and carries me bridal style through a series of hallways. The lights are off in the hallways, but somehow none of the boys have any problem navigating.   
Eventually, we exit out of a metal door and Bokuto carries me outside. It’s cool out, and the wind only makes it worse. The other boys are all wearing some kind of jacket, but I’m only in a tank top and sweatpants.   
We aren’t outside for long though. I am quickly dumped into the backseat of the car where I sit with Bokuto. Daichi is driving, and Kuroo sits in the passenger seat.   
“Breaking me out seems too easy, there were so many people in there before, what happened to them?” I ask. The man with the knife said he was going to sleep, but I didn’t expect them to leave the building entirely empty.  
“We killed ‘em.” Says Bokuto, cracking his knuckles. I tense up immediately. Killed? How many people have died because of me? Atsumu had said that I had killed more people than he could count, and now Bokuto says that he killed a building full of people to get me out?  
“Wait, wait wait, killed?” I ask. “Couldn’t you have just knocked them out or something?” I ask angrily. Suddenly, a thought crosses my mind. “Wait, were any of them about six feet tall, blonde, grey, or dark brown hair?” I ask.   
“Dude, I don’t know. I was kinda busy saving your ass, I didn’t really take note of the hair color of the people I shot.” Says Kuroo from the front seat.   
“Suna, Atsumu, and Osamu. Are they okay?” I ask urgently. I hope they’re okay. I don’t know how I could live with myself knowing that I’m the reason they died, especially given how nice they were to me.  
“Oh yeah, they’re actually pretty chill. We told them ahead of time that we were gonna break you out so that they wouldn’t be here when we shot the place up.” Bokuto explains. “They aren’t exactly in our gang, but they aren’t exactly not in our gang. They kinda just float around.”   
“Oh thank god. They were the ones who answered some of my questions. They also cleaned my cut off.” I say, pointing to the gash on the side of my face. Bokouto nods, and grabs a Band-Aid to cover it up.   
“Can someone please explain what happened when I got hit in the head?” I ask. The three boys eye each other, silently communicating something. “What? What are you guys hiding?” I ask desperately.   
“Well it’s just… It’s just that you’ve been through a lot recently, and it might be best that we let you recover a bit before we tell you about all of this.” Says Daichi cautiously. I’m fine, can’t they see that? I just need to remember what happened.  
“Bullshit. You called me boss earlier, doesn’t that mean you should listen to me?” I ask Kuroo. He hesitates, then nods. “Then tell me what happened. It’s my life, I deserve to understand it.” I say. Kuroo grunts, but seems to agree. Bokuto and Daichi hesitantly nod, and Kuroo begins to explain.   
“You know the people you were just with?” He asks. I nod. “Well they’re bad. You killed their boss’s girlfriend and now he’s pissed. They broke into our warehouse and started shooting. Nobody was hurt, except you, of course. Anyway, they were gonna kill you there, but Suga called the cops and Daichi and his crew came to the rescue. Except they came a little too late, so it was too late to save you. But you’re here now, so I guess it worked out alright.” He says, shrugging.  
“Daichi’s a cop? And who’s Suga?” I ask. I’m glad someone finally explained what happened, but now I have even more questions than before.   
“No, I’m not. I was undercover as a police officer in case something like this happened. And Sugawara’s a member of your gang. He’s also my boyfriend.” Daichi explains calmly.   
“Boyfriend? Are you gay?” I ask. Everyone in the car starts to laugh. What did I say? What was funny?”  
“You should know, you are too.” Laughs Daichi. I am? “Did you forget about your boyfriend?” He chuckles. The question was rhetorical, but the answer is yes. I didn’t even know I had a boyfriend.   
“Yeah, I did. Can you tell me about him?” I ask, hoping that maybe I’ll remember something if I get an explanation.   
“I’ll let Oikawa tell you himself.” Daichi says, pulling into an almost empty parking lot. Oikawa? So that’s why I remembered the name. He isn’t Kuroo’s stepbrother, he’s my boyfriend.   
“Wait, Oikawa?” I repeat, “I remember that name!” I exclaim. I remember! It’s just a name, but it’s something. Maybe the rest will come back to me later.   
The car jolts to a stop, and everyone opens their doors. I climb out of the car and stumble into the parking lot. A tall skinny guy with brown hair runs up to me with his arms extended.  
“Iwa-chan!” He squeals while wrapping his long arms around me in an embrace. I hesitantly hug back. Is this Oikawa? “Are you alright? Did they hurt you?” He asks. I shake my head and he pulls back gently.  
“No to which one, baby?” He asks carefully. He seems really nice, I can see why I liked him. His brown eyes shimmer in the street lights.   
“I’m okay. They didn’t hurt me too bad, but there is one thing,” I say. “I can’t remember anything. I don’t have any memories from before this morning.” I explain. The man gasps, and puts his hand over his mouth. Slowly, he extends his arms out to me and pulls me into a hug.   
“Are you Oikawa?” I ask. He gasps again, then nods. “I remember you, or at least your name.” I say. I thought that this might comfort him, but it only seems to make him more emotional.   
I feel my shirt start to get wet and look up to see if it’s raining. It turns out, the source of the water is not from the sky, but from Oikawa’s eyes. He’s crying.   
“Hey, hey, it’s gonna be alright.” I say, “I’ll try to remember you more, or... or we can make new memories.”  
____________________________

“Can you talk to me?” I ask Oikawa. “It doesn’t matter what you say, I just want to get used to the sound of your voice.” Kuroo and Daichi had decided that it would be better for me to go home and sleep tonight, then go over everything tomorrow.  
Oikawa is driving us home, because we apparently live together. I don’t remember ever driving the car before, but I knew the name and model immediately. Maybe I only forgot my memories with people.  
“Sure baby.” Oikawa coos. “Anything you want to know?” He asks gently. There are plenty of things I want to know, but Kuroo and Daichi said that it would be better to give me some time to see if I remember anything before they explain everything to me. But surely it wouldn’t hurt to ask just a little bit.  
“Can you tell me about us? Our relationship?” I ask Oikawa. He nods and thinks to himself for a moment, probably deciding where to start.  
“Sure. We’ve been dating for exactly six years eight months and fourteen days. We’ve been best friends from as early as I can remember. I came out to you in highschool, and you told me that you liked guys too. After that it was embarrassingly obvious that I liked you, and somehow I got you to like me back.” Oikawa says casually.  
“So we started dating in high school?” I ask. Oikawa nods. “Can you tell me more about high school?” I request. In response, Oikawa nods again.  
“The team was super supportive of us, but unfortunately, that wasn’t the case with your parents. We passed off our dates as just hanging out so they wouldn’t know you were gay.” Oikawa says with a smile as if he were remembering fondly.   
“Why couldn’t I tell them?” I ask. It seems like it would have been a lot easier to just tell them Oikawa and I were dating. Oikawa grimaces at my question and purses his lips before responding.  
“They were,” he hesitates, “homophobic.” He winces as the word rolls off his tongue. It looks like it physically hurt Oikawa to say the word.  
“Oh, well then, what about after high school? Did we go to college?” I ask, eager to change the subject.  
“You did. I went to Argentina to play volleyball. Only for a bit though, I missed you, so I came back to Japan to live with you.” Oikawa replies happily.   
“Damn, volleyball in Argentina? You’ve gotta be pretty good then, not everyone travels to another continent to play a sport. So do you speak Spanish then?” I ask. I wouldn’t have guessed Oikawa played a sport. He isn’t out of shape or anything, but he doesn’t have the build of most athletes.  
“Sí, un poco,” He says with a smile. “But Iwa, do you really not remember volleyball?” He asks, his mood suddenly shifting. He looks really sad. Should I remember volleyball? Is volleyball referring to the sport, or something that happened while he played?  
“I mean I know how the game works, but I don’t remember watching you play it. Sorry, Oikawa.” I apologize. I study his movements so that I can understand his reactions without having to ask him. His grip on the steering wheel tightens, so I assume it’s frustrating to him that I can’t remember watching him play.  
I can hardly blame him. I’m sure this whole situation is completely wrecking him. His best friend for as long as he can remember, and boyfriend for over six years suddenly has no recollection of you at all. That would suck.   
“No, don’t be sorry. None of this is your fault, Iwa.” Oikawa says, his voice cracking slightly. “I wasn’t talking about you watching me play. We played together in high school, and we were actually pretty good. It just feels so crazy, all those hours we spent in the gym together, erased from your mind.”  
“I’m sorry.” I apologize again. Oikawa shakes his head, silently scolding me for apologizing for something that isn’t my fault. “Can you tell me more about our relationship? I want to remember you.” I ask.  
“Yeah, yeah. Well ever since I got back from Argentina, we’ve been living together. So that’s about,” Oikawa pauses, “three years, if my math is right.” He seems to have calmed down a little bit, but he’s still anxiously tapping his fingers on the steering wheel.   
There is an awkward pause between the two of us, and a feeling of guilt rushes over me. I doubt it was this awkward before I forgot everything. I bet our conversations flowed smoothly and freely back then.   
“So you said that we went on subtle dates in high school,” Oikawa nods, “what kinda things did we do?” I ask. Hopefully Oikawa will become more talkative if I prompt him to say things. I can’t carry a conversation with someone who I know nothing about.   
“All kinds of little things. It was like we just knew every little thing about each other, and so we always knew what the other needed. I remember when I had surgery done on my knee, I was under anesthesia. The doctors told my parents that I would mostly be mumbling nonsense for the rest of the day, but I could still see you.” Oikawa takes a deep breath in, then continues telling the story.  
“We sat in my living room while I mumbled about how much I loved you, and how pretty you are, and how I wanted to marry you. My parents assumed it was just the drugs, but you knew it wasn’t. You knew that I really felt that way.” Oikawa says. His tone is careless, but not in a disrespectful way. He just seems so comfortable around me.   
“And this other time, you broke your ankle and you had to use crutches to get around everywhere. Whenever nobody was looking, I would just give you a piggyback ride to wherever you needed to go.” Oikawa recalls.  
“And once our school was doing Romeo and Juliet as our annual play. You tried out for Romeo’s part and I tried out for Juliet so that we would be able to do the kiss scene together. Turns out we are both terrible actors and neither of us got the parts.” Oikawa says with a laugh.   
“And there was one time when we were holding hands on the volleyball bus, and Mattsun, our close friend, took a picture as proof for Makki that we were dating. That was before we told them. Turns out they had a bet on it, and Makki had to pay Mattsun twenty bucks because of it.” Oikawa giggles.  
“So we were really close, huh?” I say, trying to comprehend everything that Oikawa just told me.   
“Don’t say that we were really close! We still are! You’re still my best friend and if you’re comfortable with the label, you’re still my boyfriend. Plus, Kuroo thinks that some,if not all of your memory will come back.” Says Oikawa cheerfully.  
“Yeah, well Kuroo’s a chemist, not a doctor, so what would he know?” I snap. Oikawa looks like I just slapped him in the face. “I’m sorry, I didn’t mean that. I just feel so useless, like I don’t know anything. Everyone has to tell me what I’m like, it’s ridiculous.” I sigh.  
“It’s okay, none of this is your fault. I’m sure things will come back to you, you probably just need time. But for now, we should probably stop talking about the past.” Oikawa says.  
“No!” I yelp. “Oikawa, you knew the most about me, so you’re the only one that can give me the answers I need. Please, I just want to figure out who I am.” I beg.   
Oikawa doesn’t say anything in response, but at least he doesn’t object. He pulls into a parking lot and leads me into an apartment building. We walk into the elevator, and I push the button for our floor.  
“How did you do that?” Oikawa asks. He looks absolutely shocked. What did I do that was so amazing? “Just then, you pressed the button for our floor. That means you remember what floor we live on!” He exclaims happily.   
“Oh, I guess so. It seemed more like muscle memory then a thought process, but I pressed the right button nonetheless.” I say. I hate that I feel proud of myself for doing such a simple task.   
Oikawa leads me down a hallway, then unlocks the door to our apartment. Once I walk through the doorway, I know that I can navigate. It’s a small apartment, but I know where the bathroom, bedroom, kitchen space, and living room are without even looking around. Maybe I am really remembering things.  
“Hey, Oikawa, can I ask some dumb questions?” I say, exploring the rooms of the apartment. I was right about the layout of the rooms, I knew what everyone was before I even stepped foot into them. The smell of the bedroom feels nostalgic.   
I guess for most people, nostalgia is a feeling that they can’t really explain. For me, it makes total sense. It really could have happened in my past life, or rather the half of my current life that I forget.   
“Go ahead.” replies Oikawa, walking in to join me. He plops down on the bed, and stretches out. I sit on the edge of the bedding, giving him plenty of room.  
“Have we kissed?” I ask. Oikawa giggles, then nods yes. “Have we had sex?” Oikawa’s giggle turns into a full blown cackle at my question. His immaturity is adorable. After taking a moment to collect himself, he nods.  
“So, when we had sex, what was it like?” I ask. Oikawa once again burst into laughter. He really can’t take this seriously. I don't mind though, it’s nice to get to know him again.  
“It’s pretty great, Iwa.” Oikawa gasps though his giggles. “Like really, really great.” As Oikawa’s giggles die down, another silence falls between us. Oikawa takes a deep breath in to collect himself, then sits up on the edge of the bed with me.  
“Why? Do you want a refresher?” Oikawa freezes up, then smacks himself in the face. He springs off the bed and begins pacing back and forth across our bedroom floor.  
“Hey, calm down.” I say, reaching out to grab Oikawa’s hand. “It’s alright.” Oikawa stops pacing across the room when my hand grabs onto his.   
“No, no it’s not. Kuroo specifically told me not to do anything like this for awhile. He said that it could mess up your process of remembering our relationship. That’s the only thing I had to do, and I already fucked it up.” says Oikawa.   
“Kuroo thinks that talking about having sex will make me not remember our relationship?” I ask with a scoff. “I hate to say it, but that sounds like a load of bullshit.”  
“Iwa-chan, Kuoo is one of your best friends, don’t you trust him to want to help you? Plus, he knows the most about this kind of stuff, I think we should probably take his advice.” Oikawa says, his tone filled with panic.   
“Well think about it, he’s a chemist, not a doctor. He probably doesn’t know the first thing about the psychological reaction to severe head trauma. If we were really close before I forgot stuff, then it would make sense that he’s just joking or pulling a prank on us. I’m almost positive that what we talk about won't affect my memory.” I conclude.  
Oikawa stands still, probably thinking over what I just said. After a moment, he says “You could be right, but until we can talk to Kuroo about this, I think it would be better to play it safe.” He decides. “Until then, you should probably get some sleep, you must be exhausted.” Oikawa suggests.  
“Can you tell me more about my past?” Oikawa begins to shake his head “I promise I’m not tired. Please?” I beg.  
“Tomorrow, Iwa-chan, tonight, we need to sleep.” He replies.

____________________________

“Oikawa, wake up!” I whisper-yell to my sleeping boyfriend. “You said you would tell me about my past in the morning, it’s morning now.” I say, gently shaking his shoulder. Oikawa groans, and pulls a pillow over his head.   
“What time is it?” He asks. His voice is muffled by the pillow, but it is clear that he is grumpy. “If it’s earlier then seven in the morning then let me sleep.” He whines. I check the watch on my wrist, and take note of the time. It’s close enough.  
“Yep, now get up.” I say, tearing the covers off of Oikawa’s sleeping body. He swats at me and groans again. “Come on, Oikawa, you promised to talk about this.”   
“Well yeah, but I didn't think it would have to be at,” Oikawa reaches for his phone to check the time, “Five thirty in the morning!” he shouts, playfully hitting me.   
“Okay sorry, sorry, but now you’re up, so can we talk now?” Oikawa grumbles something, but then nods. “Okay, let’s go make coffee or something and then we can spend all day reviewing the past twenty-some years of my life.”   
“Twenty Seven.” Oikawa corrects. “You’re twenty seven years old, and your birthday is June tenth.” Oikawa says, climbing out of bed.  
“Huh, so I was born on the day that Alexander the Great died?” I ask. I have already gotten dressed into day clothes, so I just have to wait for Oikawa to get changed out of his pajamas.   
“How the hell do you forget your own fucking name but remember the day that Alexander the Great died?” Oikawa says. I think he’s still angry that I woke him up so early.  
“I don’t know.” I shrug, “When is your birthday?” I ask. Oikawa walks over to the door that leads into the kitchen, and pushes it open.  
“July twentieth.” Oikawa grumbles. “Do you want tea?” he asks, filling up the kettle with water from the sink.  
“No way, really? That’s Alexander the Great’s birthday too! How crazy that you were born on his birthday and I was born on his death day.” I exclaim.  
“Yeah, that's crazy. Now do you want tea or not?” Oikawa asks unenthusiastically.  
“That depends, do I like tea?” I ask. It’s crazy that I don’t know things like this about. I wonder what my favorite food is? Do I like spicy foods? What cuisine do I prefer?   
“Eh, you prefer coffee. I think it’s too bitter, so I always drink tea. I can make you a cup of coffee if you want.” Oikawa offers.   
“Yes please. Now can I start asking questions about my past?” I ask eagerly. Oikawa nods, and I think of what I want to ask first. “What’s my favorite food. And what’s yours?” I finally decide on asking.  
“You love Agedashi tofu, and my favorite food is milk bread.” Oikawa answers. He pours the hot water into a mug with a tea bag in it, then walks across the room to the coffee machine.   
“Do either of us have any nicknames?” I ask. Oikawa has called me Iwa-chan several times, but I can’t tell if he’s the only one that calls me that. Oikawa hesitates before answering my question.  
“Yeah.” He finally says. He removes the pot from the coffee machine, and pours a cup of coffee for me. He adds some sugar to the sup and stirs in, but doesn’t add any cream. So I take my coffee with sugar, but no cream. Noted.   
“You used to call me ‘Shittykawa’, ‘Trashykawa’, ‘Lazykaway’, ‘Crappykawa’, and ‘Loserkawa’. And I call you ‘Iwa-chan’.” Says Oikawa. I’m sure he can tell from my shocked expression that I didn’t expect that response. “Oh don't worry, it was mostly lighthearted.” he assures.  
“Mostly? Did we ever get into fights?” I ask. I can tell Oikawa doesn’t want to answer the question, but there’s no point in ignoring the past. I know that he could lie, and say that we had the ideal relationship, but I trust that I had good enough taste not to go out to someone who would lie to me about something so important.  
“Yeah, we had a few, but nothing major.” Oikawa says, sipping the tea from his mug. I can tell it’s a sensitive topic, but if anything, that's even more of a reason why I should know about our fights.   
“Will you tell me about them?” I ask. I copy Oikawa’s motions, and take a sip from my coffee. Oikawa wrinkles his nose, and walks over to the counter to grab a bagel.   
“Why bother remembering the bad stuff? Why not ask what my favorite things about you are, or why I fell in love with you?” Asks Oikawa, sitting back down at the table.  
“Well I can’t just ignore the bad things that happened. My past happened, regardless of how good or bad it was, I should know about it.” I say calmly. Oikawa sighs deeply, then sighs.  
“Fine, I’ll tell you. Our biggest fight was when I went to Argentina. At first, I wasn’t sure I was going because I knew how much I would miss you. You told me that was bullshit, and that you wouldn’t want to be the reason I didn’t go. You ended up tricking me to get onto the plane by telling me that you were going to come live with me after you finished your finals in about a week.” Oikawa says.   
“But a week passed, and you didn’t come. I would call you and ask about it every night, but you always dodged the question. After a month, you finally told me that you weren't coming. I was pissed off, and ended up doing some stuff I regret that night. I played for Argentina for the rest of the season, but then I came back to Japan to be with you.” Oikawa sighs, then deeply inhales, preparing to continue his story.  
“I didn’t tell you I was coming back to Japan, because I wanted to surprise you. I called you once I had landed, and told you to pick me up at the airport. You yelled at me the entire car ride home. You couldn’t believe that I gave up the opportunity to be on the national volleyball team of Argentina to be with you. After the car ride, we didn’t talk for weeks.” Oikawa says solemnly.   
“Eventually though, we got over it, and started talking more again. Shortly after that we moved into this apartment together. That’s pretty much it.” Concludes Oikawa.   
“Wow, glad we got over that.” I chuckle. Oikawa nods in agreement. I feel an awkwardness begin to grow between us, and desperately search my mind for something to say. I had a million questions last night, what can’t I think of any of them now?  
“Iwa, do you think your memories are going to come back to you?” Oikawa asks hesitantly. I would like to believe they will, but truthfully, I’m not so sure.  
“Honestly, I don’t know, Oikawa. Obviously I hope they will, but I don’t know.” I say. The mood in the kitchen darkens, and I rack my brain for something to say that will lighten the mood. “Time will tell.” I say, smiling gently.   
“You’re right.” Oikawa agrees. “And besides, there isn’t anything we can do about it.” He takes a long sip from his mug of tea, then stands up to place the mug in the sink.  
We finish our breakfast without much more conversation, then hop in the car to meet Kuroo and Daichi at the warehouse.   
“You know, we aren’t in any rush, do you want to drive to see if you remember how to get there?” He offers. Would I remember? So far, I can’t recall any memories, but I remember how to do things. Does navigation to a place that was once familiar count as a memory, or a skill?  
“Sure.” I mutter.   
I was worried at first that I would get lost, but as I drove, the turns to take become obvious to me. I still don’t remember anything about the warehouse Oikawa was talking about, but I seem to be able to navigate to it just fine.   
“How are you doing this?” Oikawa asks, “How do you remember where to go?” he elaborates.  
“I really don’t know. It’s like my body and mind are separate. It doesn’t feel like I’m actually driving, but my hands are still turning the wheel.” I say.  
“Well you remember how to talk and walk and all that stuff so maybe navigation is like a motor skill and not a memory.” Oikawa suggests.   
“Yeah, that would make sense. Let’s ask Kuroo about it once we get there.” I shift my focus to driving, and Oikawa begins to tap his fingers against the side of the car. The tapping noise starts to bother me, so I decide to ask something, hoping he’ll stop.   
“Do you know who all is going to be at the warehouse?” I ask. Sure enough, Oikawa turns his attention to me, and stops tapping the car.  
“Probably everyone. It’s your first day back and I’m sure everyone will want to check in on you to see you’re doing. Well, actually, maybe not Suna, Osamu,and Atumu, but the rest of the gang should be there.”  
“And who exactly is the rest of the gang?” I ask. I remember Daichi, Kuroo, and Bokuto from last night, and I think one of them mentioned Suga, but other then that, I can’t remember anyone’s names or faces.   
“I’ll let you see for yourself.” says Oikawa. I turn into an empty parking lot, then stop the car. Oikawa smiles at me, then opens his door.


	3. Chapter 3

As I exit the car, several people run out of the warehouse, and up to me. They form a circle around me, but still give me plenty of space. I recognise a few faces from last night, but most of them are strangers to me.  
“How’re you feeling, boss?” Asks Kuroo. He holds out a hand to me as if I’ll fall over if I don’t have something to latch onto for stability.  
“Well enough that I can walk by myself, thank you very much.” I say, playfully swatting his hand away.   
Oikawa walks around the car and pushes gently through the circle. He slides his arm around my waist and leads me to the warehouse entrance.   
“Oh so he’s allowed to help me, but I’m not?” Scoffs Kuroo jokingly. “I see how it is, boss.” The circle of people disperse and follow Oikawa and me into the building.   
“Yeah, yeah, cry about it.” I tease Kuroo. I clap my hands together to get the small mod’s attention. “Alright. I’m going to need you all to introduce yourself with your name and a brief description of yourself.” I say loudly.   
“This is dumb. I’m not participating.” Complains a tall blonde guy with glasses. He begins to walk away, but he freezes when someone grabs his arm.   
“Come on, Kei. He lost all of his memories, can you be nice to him for once?” Argues a shorter man with freckles all over his face.   
“Yeah, Kei, be nice to me.” I say with a laugh. Kei however, is not laughing. Even through his glasses, I can feel the intensity of his glare. “Whew, if looks could kill.” I mutter. “Anyways, you can go first.”  
“Fine, my name is Tsukishima. You left me alone before, and as long as that continues, we won’t have any problems.” He says, before turning and walking away from the group. Geez, does everyone hate me that much?  
“You can go next.” I say to the freckle covered guy who stopped Tsukishima from walking away earlier.   
“Umm, my name is Yamaguchi Tadashi, but you usually just call me Yams. Also, sorry about Kei. I would say that he’s just in a bad mood or something, but he’s pretty much always like this. He really does care about you, though.” Yamaguchi says quietly.   
“Shut it, Tadashi!” yells Tsukishima from across the warehouse. Yams smiles, and jogs over to meet Tsukishima.  
“Alright, who’s next?” I ask the group. Two people step towards me, raising their hands slightly.   
“I’m Tanaka Saeko. I’m our mechanic.” Says a person with short blonde hair.   
“And I’m Mad-Dog. We used to play volleyball together.” says an angry looking man with short blonde and black hair.  
The two of them walk off together once they finish introducing themselves. I watch them walk, and take note of how their hands brush together. I’m fairly sure they like each other.  
“You kind of already know me, but I’m Daichi. I was undercover, but now I’m back here with you all.” He says joyfully. He wraps one arm around the grey haired man next to him, and smiles. “This is Suga, he’s the one I was telling you about.”  
“What were you saying about me?” asks Suga defensively. I can’t pinpoint what it is, but something doesn’t seem right about it. Oh well, I’ll just ask later.   
“Nothing, baby, let’s go.” says Daichi, leading Suga away from the group. Suga stumbles slightly when he walks. He seems really tired.   
“Alright, my turn. My name’s Akashi. I run communications, and I’m your favorite person here.” He says, pretending to flip his hair.   
“Bullshit! I’m his favorite!” shouts Kuroo, lunging at Akashi. Akashi stands up straight and crosses his arms at Kuroo. In response, Kuroo sticks his tongue out at Akashi.  
“Oh my God. You act like a couple of children.” I say with a smirk. Kuroo and Akashi both stop their childish actions, but continue to glare at each other.   
“You probably remember me, but my name’s Bokuto, although everyone just calls me Bo.” Akashi slowly moves his hand into the back pocket of Bokuto’s jeans. Bokuto arches his eyebrows at Akashi, but Akashi just smiles innocently at him.   
“Gross, get a room.” Kuroo says as Akashi stands on his tiptoes to kiss Bokuto on the cheek. In response, Akashi glares at Kuroo, and passionately kisses Bokuto on the lips. Kuroo makes a disgusted face, then turns his attention back to me.   
“You know me. I’m Kuroo, the chemist of the group and what not.” He says. Akashi finally pulls away from Bo, and leads him towards the back of the warehouse.  
“Yeah, and I’m Kenma. I deal with all the tech stuff here.” says a short man with his hair pulled back in a bun. His hair is black, but it’s bleached blonde near the bottom.   
“Hey, Kenma, I like your hair.” I say. Kenma stares at me, shock on his face.   
“You must have gotten hit in the head pretty hard, huh?” Kenma replies, walking away slowly.   
“Wait, what? What do you mean?” I call after him. Kenma puts his hand up and waves it, indicating that he isn’t going to answer my question.   
“He just means that usually you don’t hand out compliments like that.” explains Kuroo. “Don’t worry about it.” he says.   
“Hey, Kuroo, you were joking when you said that talking about intimacy would make him forget things for longer, right?” asks Oikawa. I had almost forgotten Oikawa was here. Kuroo laughs in response to Oikawa’s question.  
“One day!” He gasps between strings of laughter. “You couldn’t go one day without talking about having sex.” He cries. I chuckle, but Oikawa frowns and crosses his arms.  
“Kuroo, it’s not funny to joke about people’s health.” He scolds.   
“Oh come on, you don’t think it’s even a little bit funny that the first think Iwa asked about was your sex life?” grins Kuroo. Oikawa doesn’t respond, but instead reaches his hand over to mine, and intertwines his fingers with mine. “Well I find it hilarious.” continues Kuroo dismissively.   
“Kuroo, do you honestly believe that any of my memories will come back to me?” I ask. I want to hear what he thinks, but I’m afraid to hear the answer.   
“I don’t know, I’m not a doctor. They could come back tomorrow, they could come back in twenty years, or they could be gone for good. I don’t know, Boss.” Kuroo says with a shrug.  
“Well is there anything that I could do that might bring them back?” I ask eagerly. Oikawa gently squeezes my hand.  
“I’m sorry, I don’t-” Kuroo says.   
“Please? Kuroo, surly there’s something. Please, I need to remember.” I say, grabbing onto his forearm.   
“Iwa!” Oikawa shouts, pulling me off of Kuroo. Kuroo rubs his arm softly. I notice blood on his hand and realize that when my nails dug into him they cut his skin open.   
“Oh my gosh. Kuroo I’m so sorry. I didn’t mean to hurt you.” I say desperately.   
“Nah, it’s fine. You just surprised me. I’m sorry, but I really don’t know enough about head trauma related memory loss. You might be able to remember something by recreating the situation which caused you to lose your memory, but I really don’t know.” My eyes light up at Kuroo’s suggestion.   
“Nope, I saw that look. What I just said means ‘I don’t know’, not ‘get yourself kidnaped and hit in the head again’. If you really want, I can do some research, but until then, just sit tight.” says Kuroo.  
“So there’s nothing I can do?” I ask. I feel so useless. I’m supposedly the leader of this gang, and yet it seems I’m the only one who doesn’t have a set role.   
“No, not really. You can try to help me research, but given that you don’t know the first thing about the hippocampus, neocortex or amygdala’s reaction to trauma, I don’t know how far you would get. For now, I would recommend that you just chill out.” says Kuroo.   
“Hey, how about we go ask everyone what their favorite memories with you were?” suggests Oikawa. I know he’s just trying to make me feel better, but it seems almost insulting. Everyone I talk to only reminds me about who I used to be and the things I used to do. It feels like an inside joke that everyone but me understands.   
“No, that’s alright. I think I just want some alone time.” I say. Oikawa looks concerned. Why does everyone keep looking at me like that? Sure I lost some of my memory, but I’m not a child. They don’t need to watch my every step to make sure I don’t mess something up.   
“Iwa-chan, are you sure? You seem upset, can’t we just talk about it a little bit?” asks Oikawa. I take a deep breath, and think about how I can word my response so I don’t come off as rude, but still get them to leave me alone.  
“No, I promise, I’m fine. This is all just really tiring. I just need to think about it for a bit.” I say. Oikawa nods to show he understands, but stays hovering around me. “And that means that I need a little bit of space.” I say, gently pushing him aside.   
“Oh, of course. I’m sorry, Iwa-chan.” he apologizes. Damnit, I didn’t mean to make him feel bad, I just wanted him to leave me alone. I need to find something I can do. Something I can do to be helpful. Something that won’t make me feel useless. 

____________________________

What can I do? I have to do something. I’m supposed to be these people’s leader, so why can’t I help them?  
Maybe I can. Maybe I just have to ask. What needs to be done? Then I can do it. I can help. I won’t be useless.  
Daichi seems like the most responsible of the group, so I should go talk to him. He’ll tell me more about each person, and the things I would usually do.  
I walk over to the section of the warehouse where I remember him walking off to. I carefully pull the curtains to the side so that I can walk into the room that he and Suga are in.   
“Hey, what’s up?” asks Daichi. Suga is sitting on a stool in front of him, and it looks like Daichi is rubbing his back.   
“Not much. I just got the feeling that there was a lot that I wasn’t told back there. Can you fill me in?” I ask. Daichi chuckles.   
“Well one thing’s sure, you still have that super sense. You always had a knack for reading people pretty well.” Daichi explains. “But sure, I’ll fill you in.” I pull up a chair near the two of them, and sit down.  
“You’ve probably already noticed, but some people are closer than others. Most of the time, that’s because they’re in each other's pants. Kuroo and Kenma, Bo and Akashi, Suga and I, and you and Oikawa. We all think that Tsukki and Yams have done it too but we can’t prove it. Same goes for Mad-dog and Saeko.” Daichi explains.   
“Although that's not always the case. Tsukki and Akashi are pretty close and there's nothing romantic between them.” He continues.   
“So what is my relationship with each person?” I ask. Daichi nods, but doesn’t answer immediately.   
“Well you know that you and Oiakwa are boyfriends. I would say that your best friend is probably Kuroo, but you and Akashi also get along pretty well. Mad-dog really looks up to you. And Yams is kind of like your little brother. You get along with everyone pretty well, but those are the main points.” Explains Daichi.   
“Can you elaborate?” I ask. It’s going to take more than a brief description for me to understand how I acted around these people.   
“Sure. Mad-dog had a rough home life, so he grew up without morals. From what I can tell, he decided that you had good enough judgement in moral dilemmas, that he would just ask you whenever he couldn’t decide what to do. You basically just keep him in check, and he really appreciates that.” says Daichi.  
“And Yamaguchi got kicked out of his house when he was seventeen or so because his mom found out he was gay. I’m pretty sure he lived with Tsukki when that happened, but we became his family after that.” says Daichi.  
“You're in charge here, but I usually help out with big decisions. I’m like your second in command. And Suga here, well he used to be… right now he’s just dealing with some stuff.” says Daichi. It’s clear that he’s trying to avoid talking about whatever Suga is going through.  
“If you won’t say it, I will.” says Suga. I had almost forgotten he was there. If it’s none of my business what he’s going through, that’s fine, but I need to know how to help him. That’s my job, isn’t it?  
“Alright, Iwa, Daichi doesn’t want to tell you that I’m recovering from a coke, heroin, and alcohol addiction.” Suga says, his voice monotone.   
“Suga! You don’t have to say it like that.” Daichi exclaims. His face has flushed red and he looks more upset about this than Suga.   
“Like what, Daichi? I’m just saying it how it is.” says Suga, his voice still void of emotion. “Why bother sugar coating it?” says Suga.  
“Suga, don’t be like this.” Daichi says to Suga. “He isn’t usually like this, he’s just going through withdrawals so he’s acting a bit off.” Daichi explains to me.   
“Daichi, I’m right here. Stop talking about me like I’m not here. Or better yet, just give me some space.” complains Suga. Daichi gasps quietly at Suga’s comment. If I had to guess, their relationship wasn’t always like this.   
“Suga, we’ve been over this, I’m not leaving you alone. One of the withdrawal effects of heroin is self harm, so I’m not going to leave you alone for a bit.” Daichi says calmly.  
“I’m not going to kill myself.” Suga sighs, “Just give me some space.” He continues. Daichi takes a step away from his partner, then turns to me.   
“Would you mind staying with him for a few minutes?” He asks. I nod, then Daichi exits the room. Suga puts his feet up on a table and glares at me.  
“I’m not a little kid, you don’t have to watch me. Daichi’s just stressed with all that's going on and has decided to cope with it by being overprotective of me.” explains Suga.  
“I know.” I reply. “Well actually, no I don’t. But it seems like you’re right. Daichi probably just wants to make sure you stay safe while you go through withdrawals.” I say calmly.   
I don’t actually know who’s side to take. On one hand, what Daichi says about withdrawal symptoms makes sense. However, on the other hand, Suga seems perfectly fine. I should probably play it safe and do what Daichi says.   
“Well duh. But he’s overreacting.” Suga complains. His attitude is so bold, I can almost hear his eye roll. “Pass me that glass of water.” He says, reaching in the direction of a half full glass.   
I reach over to the glass, and out of an abundance of caution, take a sip of it before handing it to Suga. I have to force myself not to spit out the clear liquid as it burns my throat.  
“You really don’t trust me that much?” Suga asks. He places his hands on his hips and pouts.   
“Well should I have? Suga, this vodka.” I say angrily. I dumb the remaining alcohol the floor.  
“You asshole!” Suga shouts. Suga stands up from his chair and angrily walks towards me. “I was going to drink that!” he yells.   
“I know, that’s the issue. Suga, in order to get rid of an addiction you have to stop using the drug.” I explain.   
“Who said I wanted to get rid of my addiction?” Suga mumbles. His wave of anger seems to pass, as he quietly sits down.  
“Can I ask you something?” I say. Suga nods, and I proceed. “Why did you pick up drugs?”   
“I have shitty parents. And Daichi wasn’t there to stop me.” Suga mumbles. He crosses his arms over his body again. This time though, the action doesn’t seem to be to exaggerate attitude, but as a method of protection.  
“I’m sorry, that must have been awful. I know not everything has been fixed now, but from what I can tell, it’s a lot better. You’ve got all of us here to help you, and people waiting for you to recover. If you won’t quit for yourself, quit for Daichi.” I say solemnly.   
I expect a serious response, although the laugh that exits Suga’s mouth contradicts my expectations entirely. “That was the cheesiest thing I’ve ever heard you say.” He giggles.   
As Suga’s laughter dies down, Daichi walks into the room. He looks more tired than when he left. Daichi anxiously rubs the palms of his hands against his pants, then clears his throat.  
“Akashi, Bo, and Kuroo wanted to talk to you.” he says. Nobody moves, and an uncomfortable silence grows between us all. “You should probably go now.” suggests Daichi.  
“Oh, yeah. Sorry.” I mumble, walking out of the room to leave Suga and Daichi alone together. I cross the middle aisle and walk towards the sound of Bokuto’s loud voice.   
As I pull the curtain aside, the voices become louder and clear. Kuroo is yelling at Bokuto and Akashi is shouting back. When they notice me walk in, they all fall silent.   
“Hey, what’s up? Daichi said you needed me for something.” I say, pulling a chair away from the table the three of them are standing around.   
“What’s the plan?” asks Akashi. “I thought we should just kill the dude who knocked you out but Kuroo thinks we should kill ‘em all.” says Akashi.   
“Boss, I’m not going to let them get away with this. They deserve to die.” says Kuroo angrily.   
“I never said that they don’t!” shouts Akashi. “But is it really worth risking our lives to kill a couple of people who were just following orders?” argues Akashi.   
“What do you think?” Bo asks me. Both Kuroo and Akashi have good points, but I don’t fully agree with either.  
“No.” I say simply. The three men stare at me blankly.   
“No?” asks Bo. “What do you mean, no?”  
“I mean no. There is no plan. Things are bad enough as is, I’m not going to send any of you to get killed. Violence only breeds more violence, so we will take no action against them.” I say decisively.   
“Jeeze, that would be great if you were Ghandi or something, but you aren’t. Iwaizumi you’re the leader of The Enigmas, and in this world, it’s kill or get killed. I can’t let you do nothing.” Kuroo says.   
“I’m not asking permission. I’m telling you that there will be no offensive action taken without my explicit permission.” I sternly say. Both Kuroo and Akashi look like they want to argue, but I cut them off before they can say anything.  
“Is that clear?” I ask.   
“Yes sir.” Akashi says reluctantly. Kuroo however, stays silent.   
“Kuroo, I asked you a question. Is that clear?” I repeat. Kuroo purses his lips, then nods.   
“Yes sir.” he mumbles. 

____________________________

After my conversation with Kuroo, Akashi, and Bo, I need to blow off some steam. I decide to investigate the shooting range on the far side of the warehouse. I have no recollection of shooting a gun, but I have no doubt that I know exactly how to.  
I pick up the handgun on the table, and notice that it is already loaded. After I cock the gun, I hold it out and aim at the target on the wall perpendicular to my stance. I breathe in deeply, then squeeze the trigger.   
Sure enough, the bullet went straight into the center of the target. I’m unsure whether or not I should be proud of myself. On one hand, this is something from my past that I remember, but on the other hand, this means that I’ve shot a gun enough times that it’s become muscle memory.   
I shoot the gun a few more times to confirm that it wasn’t just a flue, but as expected, the bullet tears though the center of the target each and every time I squeeze the trigger. I stop shooting when I hear heavy footsteps walking towards me.  
“What the fuck, Hajime!” Tsukishima shouts, storming towards me. “Kuroo and Akashi just filled me in. I’m not one to give my opinions on your business because frankly I don’t give a fuck, but I really think this is a mistake.” he says angrily.  
“Look, I don’t want anyone else to get hurt because of me and my decisions, so I’m not sending any of you to go out and kill someone. That’s final.” I say, trying not to raise my voice.  
“You’re being stupid. People are going to get hurt regardless. Let us act first, then at least the people who die aren’t us.” Tsukki insists.   
He pulls a gun out of the waistline of his pants, and holds it out towards the target. His eyes glance over at me to make sure I’m watching him, then he squeezes the trigger. Tsukishima’s bullet hit right around the center of the target as well.   
“I can shoot and I’m not stupid, which is more then half the people here can say. Send Kuroo, Bo, Mad-dog and I in, let Akashi run coms, and have Saeko drive us in and out. The operation is flawless. We would be in and out in fifteen minutes, tops.” Tsukishima says.   
“Tsukishima, I’m not going to-” I start to speak, but the sound of my voice is drowned out by a startling noise. 

BANG! 

The loud noise from Tsukishima’s gun cuts me off. He smiles when I stop talking, and prepares to continue his argument.   
“I wasn’t done talking,” he says coolly, “and I won’t be until you agree. I’m not going to let you jeopardize the safety of my boyfriend just so that you can feed your hero complex. Kuroo and Akashi may listen to you, but I don’t. If you won’t send them in, I’ll go alone.”   
“You have a point, and I might even agree with you if Yams was actually in danger. According to Bokuto, I’m the one who pissed them off, not you. They have no reason to go after you or your boyfriend, right?” I argue.   
Tsukishima is about to say something, but he is silenced by Oikawa shouting from across the warehouse. “I’m taking an Uber home, Iwa-chan. I’ll text you when I get there!” he yells. Oikawa glasses back at me and I nod so that he knows I heard him.   
“I’m not budging on my position unless the vast majority of you agree that we should do something.” I tell Tsukishima.   
“Well then go get everyone. Ask them what you think. It’s not a vote if you never give them the option to oppose you.” Argues Tsukishima.  
“Fine, we can all talk about it together if that’s what you really want.” I tell him coolly. I can feel my temper rising, but I need to keep my cool inorder to make responsible decisions.   
Tsukishima and I spend the next couple of minutes gathering up everyone here. Once the eleven of us are standing in a circle, Tsukishima announces why we need them.  
“Hajime won’t send in a group of people to kill the asshole who shot up the warehouse, knocked him out, then kidnapped him.” Tsukishima states. Several people let out murmurs of complaints.  
“I won’t be responsible for anyone else's death. Kuroo, Bo, and Daichi already shot everyone in the building I was held in. I think we’ve killed enough people.” I argue. I see Kenma and Mad-dog nod while I speak, and I feel slightly relieved.   
“Either we kill them, or they kill us. It’s a death sentence not to strike first.” Kuroo says. Akashi and Tsukishima nod in agreement.   
“So what is the proposed plan?” Saeko asks.   
“You drive us in and out. Akashi, you run coms. Mad-dog, Kuroo, Bo and I will be in and out in no more than fifteen minutes. Fifteen minutes, then we can leave this all in the past.” Tsukishima says. Saeko nods, but I can’t tell if it’s a nod of agreement, or understanding.   
“Okay, Hajime said that we need a strong majority to oppose him, which is seven out of the eleven people here. If nobody else has anything to say, we can vote now.” Tsukishima says. He looks around to everyone to see if anyone wants to ask anything before the vote, but nobody speaks up.   
“Alright then, let’s vote. All in favor of doing nothing?” He prompts. I raise my hand, and look around to see who else has. Kenma raises his hand, and so do Mad-dog and Saeko. That’s four, we need one more vote.   
My eyes dart around the circle of people to see if anyone else has raised their hand, but it appears that nobody has.   
“Alright then, that’s only four which means that seven people vote to…” Tsukishima stops speaking when he notices that his boyfriend, Yams, has also raised his hand. I can tell it bothers him, but Tsukishima doesn’t say anything.   
Yamaguchi closes his eyes and inhales deeply. “My vote makes five, which means that the final decision is not to attack.” Yams says calmly. Tsukishima balls his hands into fists, and sighs.   
“Yes, yes it does. That’s all then, you can go back to whatever you were doing before.” Tsukishima says through gritted teeth.   
My phone buzzes against my thigh, and I pull it out of my pocket to accept the call. I don’t recognize the number, but I decide to answer the call anyways.  
“We have Oikawa.” Says a deep voice through the phone.   
“What? That’s impossible, he texted me just a few minutes ago!” I reply anxiously. I check my messages, only to realize that Oikawa never did text me to let me know that he made it home safely. “You son of a bitch.” I breathe into the phone.   
The man on the other end of the phone chuckles softly. I hear heavy breathing on the other end of the phone, then a voice that I immediately recognize.   
“I’m sorry Iwaizumi. I should have been more careful. I’m sorry.” Oikawa sobs through the phone.   
“You’re going to be okay. I’ll save you, I swear!” I shout. The phone must be back in the hands of the man with the deep voice though, because I don’t hear Oikawa respond.  
“If you want your boyfriend back alive, meet me at the location I’ll send you after this call. Come unarmed and without backup. If I sense that you’re playing with me, I’ll put a bullet through your precious Tooru’s head.” The man threatens.   
“No don’t!” I cry. “I swear, I’ll do whatever you want. Please, just don’t hurt him. He didn’t do anything, please don’t hurt him.” I beg. The man with the deep voice laughs again, then exhales into the microphone.   
“Be here at 2 AM tomorrow night or Oikawa dies.” He says, before hanging up. I receive a message with the address for where I have to meet them to save Oikawa.   
Everyone in the warehouse has their eyes fixated on me, and the room has fallen completely silent.   
Daichi is the first one to speak. “Did they...?” He asks. Without finishing his question, everyone knows exactly what he is asking.   
I try desperately not to let the tears in my waterline fall down my face, although it isn’t much use. I nod as the tears spill down my cheeks. My face feels hot and my body starts to tingle.   
Everyone is watching their ‘oh so tough’ leader break down in tears. I struggle to catch my breath, as my tears begin to suffocate me. I wipe at my eyes and brush the salt water to the sides of my cheeks.   
I stand there, crying in front of everyone, for what feels like an eternity before I finally steady my breathing for long enough to speak three words that confirm what everyone was thinking.  
“They have Oikawa.”  
____________________________

“Shit, I’m sorry boss.” Kuroo says solemnly. Several people murmur similar things in an attempt to calm me, but it’s all in vain.   
“What are their demands?” Daichi asks. His voice is solid and confident. I wonder if he is really as calm as he sounds, or if he’s just faking it. Either way, I’m impressed.   
“Me.” I say. “They want me to meet them by the docks at 2 AM tomorrow. Or else they’ll kill him.” I elaborate. My voice is scratchy from crying, but nobody comments on it.  
“Alright then, we go, we kick ass, we save Oikawa, then we leave.” Kuroo says confidently. He runs his hands through his thick, tangled hair to cover up his nervousness.   
“No!” I cry. “We can’t!” I shout. Akashi sends Daichi a look that I can’t quite read. What are they trying to communicate without me knowing?  
“Hajime, this isn’t the time to play hero. We have to do this.” Daichi says calmly. Akashi and Kuroo nod, but nobody takes any action.  
“I’m not! I’m not trying to be a hero. I don’t need the fame, money, or recognition. I just need Oikawa. They said that they would kill him if we tried anything. Please, just let me do this.” I beg. I can tell that my emotional outburst is really making them rethink this.   
“Idiot. If you go, they’ll kill you, then kill Oikawa. If you think that there is a way out of this that doesn’t end in someone dying, then you’re more stupid then I thought.” Tsukishima says disapprovingly.   
“I don’t care. I don’t care if I die. I have to save him. I don’t care that I don’t remember falling in love with him or any of the moments that we’ve spent together, I can tell that I would hate to live life without him. So if I die, so be it, as long as Oikawa is okay.” I say.   
“Fine, say you go in to save him. Tsukki’s right, if you go in alone and unarmed, they’ll kill you. At least let us back you up.” Daichi says.   
“No, they’ll know. They’ll kill him. I won’t let you get Oikawa killed.” I say harshly. Daichi purses his lips while coming up with a counterargument.   
“Then let one of us stay way back. I can take the shot from a football field away, there’s no way they could see me from that far away.” Daichi offers. In theory, he’s right. It should work, but if it didn’t Oikawa would die. Regardless of the odds, no risk is worth that consequence.   
“Daichi I won’t do anything to jeopardize Oikawa’s safety. I’m sorry, but no.” I reply.  
“Don’t be dense, that plan was flawless! You save Oikawa’s ass, and Daichi saves yours. None of us die. That’s what you want, isn’t it?” Akashi asks.   
“Well, yeah, but what if they saw him? They would shoot Oikawa. That can’t happen.” I reiterate.   
“Relax, nobody would see me. Nobody is going to be investigating a little rumble on a three story building a tenth a mile away.” Daichi says. He’s so convincing. I wish I could agree, but that would endanger Tooru, and I can’t do that.   
“Fine, but if they notice and hurt Oikawa, I’ll kill you.” I say sternly. My statement receives a couple of eyerolls, and a few sighs, but Daichi and Kuroo seem relieved.   
“I’m going to sleep.” I announce. Although it’s not very late, I am absolutely exhausted. I’m not sure why though, I hardly did any physical activity today. Maybe it’s just the emotional toll that all the arguing had done, not to mention by boyfriend getting kidnapped. Regardless, I could just about fall asleep standing up.   
“Hey, Boss, there are some cots over there that we sometimes sleep on. Grab a blanket from over there and try to get some sleep. I’ll wake you up if anything happens.” Kuroo says gently.   
I close my eyes to try to get some rest, but my mind is racing with the events that occurred today. I can’t possibly sleep when Oikawa’s life is being threatened. It’s crazy that even though I don’t remember him, I feel such a strong connection. I suppose if his name was the only thing I remembered, he must have been pretty important.   
I’m thankful that Kuroo isn’t upset about anything that happened. It seems like he genuinely cares about everyone here, and just wants to make sure we all stay safe. Daichi said that he and I were pretty close, and I can see why. He seems like a great guy.   
After what feels like hours, I open my eyes again. The lights have been turned off, but the warehouse is still eliminated by rays of light from outside. Everything has an orange tint overtop from the streetlights outside.   
I hear footsteps and sit up to face whoever is walking towards me. It’s pretty dim, but I can make out Kuroo’s silhouette tiptoeing towards me.  
“Hey, are you awake?” He whispers loudly in my direction.   
“Yeah, I can’t sleep with all that’s happening.” I reply in a whisper.   
“There’s something you should see.” Kuroo murmurs, handing me my phone. It has already been unlocked, and the bright screen displays a text thread. I squint my eyes to read the text, then gasp once I do.   
‘DON’T BRING DAICHI’ reads the message on my phone. Along with the text, an image is attached too. I tap to open the image but immediately regret doing so.   
Oikawa’s pale skin is stained with dark purple bruises. There are several cuts causing blood to run down his boy in various places. His arms are tied behind him, and he’s curled up in a defensive position.   
After studying the image more, I notice that the shimmer on Oikawa’s cheeks are tears. His hair (which is normally light and fluffy) looks greasy and heavy.   
They’ve only had him for a few hours, right? How could they do so much damage in such a short amount of time.   
“Oh my god.” Kuroo gasps. I tilt the phone screen so that he can see the image of Oikawa clearly. “I’m so sorry. I read the text, but I didn’t open the attachment.” Kuroo apologizes.   
“Is Daichi here?” I ask in a small voice. Kuroo nods, and gets up to go get him.   
Just a second later, Kuroo comes back with Daichi. Daichi looks tired, he must have been sleeping.   
“I changed my mind. I don’t want you backing me up.” I say, willing my voice to be loud enough that I sound confident.   
“But you’ll get killed!” Daichi argues. Kuroo gives Daichi a look that reads ‘I'll tell you later’ and Daichi sighs. “Fine, I won’t.” He says. Daichi turns around and walks in the direction that he came from. Kuroo walks back over to me and sits down next to my cot.   
“Do you want to talk about it?” He asks cautiously. I feel bad for keeping him up, but I really do need someone to discuss this with.   
“Mhm, how do you think they found out about our plan to send Daichi in?” I ask Kuroo.  
He takes a moment to form a response, but then says, “They must either have a spy in our group, or have sent someone to listen in.” He answers.   
“A spy? Do you really think anyone here would betray me?” I ask. Despite my rhetorical tone, the question is genuine.   
“No, I doubt it. Everyone here is pretty loyal to you. Even Tsukishima wouldn’t do something like this.” Kuroo says.   
“Could they have bugged the warehouse?” I ask. Kuroo’s face lights up.   
“That’s it, I’m sure of it. As far as I know, nobody knows that we use this warehouse other than the people here, Suna, Atsumu, Osamu, and Oikawa. But Atsumu has a hard time shutting his mouth, especially around women, so it’s possible that they sent some chick to get the info out of him or something. Regardless of how they did it, I’m sure they’ve got mics in here.” Kuroo whispers.   
It’s a little bit hard to hear him, but I suppose it makes sense to be quiet if you know that all of your conversations are being listened in on.  
“We need to destroy the listening devices.” I say. Kuroo nods, then walks away to grab Kenma. I get up and follow him.   
“Are you sure there are bugs?” Kenma asks Kuroo.   
“Positive. Work your magic, find the bugs. We need to destroy them.” Kuroo whispers. Kenma nods, then does something on his computer.   
Neither Kuroo nor I have a clue what he’s doing, but it seems to be working. After a few minutes of Kenma furiously tapping at the keyboard and clicking, he pushes away from his desk.   
“It should be,” He says, walking over to one of the walls. “Right here.” he says, picking up a small piece of metal that resembles a nickel.  
“There are two more, one’s by the entrance and the other’s is by Suga.” Kenma says, pointing to the cot where Suga is sleeping.   
I walk over to Suga’s cot quietly, careful not to wake him. As I look around for the bug, I can’t help but hear Suga murmuring in his sleep.   
It sounds like he’s having a nightmare. Phrases like ‘don’t touch me’ and ’please stop’ continuously come up in his dialog. I debate if I should wake him up, but decide that I should find and destroy the bug first.  
Finally, I find the coin shaped object taped to the bottom of a chair. “See you tomorrow at two.” I say into the microphone before stepping on it. The bug crushes under my foot, destroyed.


	4. Chapter 4

As if I couldn’t sleep before, the image of Oikawa that I was sent about half an hour ago has left my mind absolutely restless. How am I supposed to relax when my boyfriend is being beaten up by the guys that are threatening to kill him?   
I feel bad for keeping Kuroo and Kenma up, but they both said that they would have stayed up anyway. I get the feeling that Kenma’s sleep schedule is fairly irregular.  
With all that’s happening, I have a lot on my mind. Kuroo is an amazing listener, so he and Kenma have been sitting across from me, listening to me speak as I verbalize my thoughts.   
The three of us have been confabulating for an hour or so, and I’m getting really tired. It’s no use to try to sleep though. The sun will rise in only a few more hours, and I’m far too nervous to sleep now. 

“The worst part is that I can’t do anything about it. What happens to Oikawa is totally out of my control until 2 AM tomorrow.” I complain. Kenma nods understandingly.   
“I can’t imagine how awful that would be. Like if it were Kenma, not Oikawa, I wouldn’t even know what to do.” Kuroo says empathetically. Although it is still dark, I notice a blush creep across Kenma’s face.   
Kuroo looks expectantly at his boyfriend, and eventually, Kenma picks up on the hint. “Yeah, same goes for me if it were Kuroo.” He mumbles. Kuroo grins widely, then turns his attention to me.  
“Do you want us to help you get ready?” He offers.  
“What is there to prepare for? It’s about twenty four hours away, and I have to go unarmed. It doesn’t seem like there’s anything I can do.” I reply. I am trying not to become pessimistic about the situation, but there isn’t really a bright side to look to.   
“Well if you can’t bring a gun, then you’ve gotta rely on your fists, right?” Kuroo asks elbowing me gently, “Unarmed doesn’t necessarily mean that you can’t fight if something goes wrong. Do you remember anything about fighting?” Kuroo asks. I shake my head in response.   
“I don’t know that I know how to do anything, it just happens sometimes. So I won’t know if I remember how to fight until I actually need to.” I answer.   
“Well do you want to spar?” He asks, “You would know that you aren’t actually in danger, because I won’t kill you, but maybe a hit or two would be enough to convince your brain that I would.” Kuroo says. I shrug in response, then push myself off the floor.   
“It can’t hurt. Besides, it’s not like I’m going to be able to sleep.” I say. Kuroo and Kenma stand up, and the three of us walk towards the back of the warehouse.   
Once we reach the back section of the warehouse, which is pretty open because it doubles at a shooting range, Kuroo tosses a roll of boxing wrapping at me. I catch it, then listen as Kenma directs me to wrap it around my hand a certain way.  
Before Kuroo and I begin to spar, Kuroo pulls Kenma aside and tells him something that I can’t quite hear. Kenma nods, but doesn’t go to do anything. I wonder what they’re talking about. I wish that they would just tell me, it makes me anxious when people discuss things that affect me without my input.  
Kuroo walks up to me and swings a somewhat gentle punch at my shoulder. His fist hits me, but no defensive instincts kick in.   
“You didn’t move.” Kuroo observes.  
“Yeah, no shit. I think that I can’t be expecting whatever happens.” I tell him. Kuroo nods, then produces to punch me several more times.   
“It’s not working.” says Kuroo. “Maybe you actually have to try and fight back.” he suggests. I am starting to doubt my muscle memory, but there is still a chance that it just takes a minute, right?  
“Instead of me just throwing punches at you, why don’t you try a few?” Suggest Kuroo. I know he’s just trying to be helpful, but it’s really getting on my nerves. It’s not at all his fault that I have forgotten everything that defines who I am, but it’s easier to blame it on someone, even if that someone is actually the one helping you.  
I half heartedly punch his shoulder, and Kuroo shakes his head. “I think you’ve lost your touch. Here, try one more time.” He says. I do as he says, and punch him twice more. Neither one seems to catch him off guard.  
“Those were a little bit better,” says Kurro. He pauses to click his tongue, then continues to critique my work. “But you seem to have forgotten where to hit, and how to get momentum behind your punches.” Kuroo says.   
I square up against Kuroo, preparing to strike again, when something yanks me backwards by my throat. Cool metal is pressed harshly against my temples, and I hear a click, indicating that the gun pushed against my head is cocked.   
The belt that was used to pull me backwards drops to the floor, but the cocked gun is still being held strongly against my head. They’re going to kill me. I can’t save Oikawa if I die now.  
I close my eyes, and rack my brain for something, anything, that might be able to save me. I look to Kuroo for help, but he just shakes his head. Why isn’t he helping me?  
The metal presses harder into my skin, and I realize I don’t have time to think about this. I need to act now or I will die.   
I quickly duck so that the gun is no longer against my head, then grab the wrist of whoever is holding the gun. I elbow them in the stomach, causing them to double over. With their balance off, I can push them over and have them fall into the ground.  
Once I’ve shoved them into the ground, I adjust the gun in my hand so that I am aiming at the person on the ground. They have fairly long hair tied back in a bun and are wearing a red hoodie, wait, Kenma?  
“Don’t shoot!” Kenma yelps. “Kuroo, you owe me for this one, Iwa hit my stomach and now it hurts.” He complains, slowly getting off the ground.   
“What the hell? I could have killed you!” I whisper-yell, still trying not to wake up the others.   
“You did it! I knew it just took a little bit of pressure to fix you up.” Kuroo says to me as he helps Kenma off of the ground.   
“That was your genius plan? Get Kenma to pretend to kill me to see if I die or not?” I ask Kuroo.   
“Hey, I don’t want to hear any complaints. My plan worked. Who cares about all those little details, what matters is that you’ve got your touch back!” Kuroo says excitedly. “Now punch me, quick.” Kuroo breathes.   
I fake a punch to his left shoulder with my left hand, then swing a right hook at his jaw. My wrapped fist makes contact with his face, and Kuroo backs away, clutching his cheek.  
“Shit, that hurt. Well, you’ve definitely got it figured out.” Kuroo says, grabbing an instant ice pack for his jaw.   
We hear something moving from where the cots are and all get really quiet. Bokuto sleepily walks over to the three of us, then asks, “Are you sparing?” I nod. “At four AM?” He says.   
“Well I couldn’t sleep, and I-” I say, defensively crossing my arms.   
“It’s fine, I would probably do the same if I were in your situation. Now that I’m up though, do you mind if I join in?” Bo asks. I smile, and nod.   
“Careful, he isn’t rusty or anything.” Kuroo says to Bo, rubbing his jaw sorely. Bokuto smirks, then turns to me, holding out his hand.   
“High five for punching Kuroo.” He says. I laugh quietly, but give him the high five he requested. It seems a bit childish, but I don’t mind, as it helps to lighten the mood.  
“Actually, you should probably just take some melatonin and sleep. You can practice tomorrow, but you’ll want to be well rested for tomorrow.” Kenma suggests.   
“Coming from you.” Kuroo scoffs. “Nah, but he’s right. Try to sleep, even if it’s just for a few hours.” he says.   
Kenma tosses me a bottle full of purple gummies. “It’s melatonin, it helps you sleep. Take three or so.” he says. I pour out a few of the gummies then chew on them as I walk back over to the cot I was laying on earlier.  
I fluff the pillow and grab a blanket to sleep with, then lie down.The gummies work surprisingly fast, and despite my mind still racing, I fall asleep within a matter of minutes.

___________________________

Although I have almost a whole day until I need to go negotiate Oikawa’s release, I wake up in a panic, thinking that I have overslept.   
I urgently reach over to grab my phone, then notice that the time is only 7:28 AM. I’ve only been sleeping for three or four hours, and there is still plenty of time before I need to be at the docks.   
“You awake already?” Kuroo calls out to me. It’s a silly question because it’s quite obvious that I am in fact awake, but his greeting makes the morning more present. He’s sitting across the room, looking at something on his phone.  
“Yeah,” I say, combing through my hair with my fingers, “It’s hard to sleep when I’m as nervous as I am.” Kuroo nods in understanding, then tosses me a set of clothes.  
“I had Akashi run to your apartment this morning to grab some clothes and a toothbrush.” Kuroo says. “I’m sure you aren’t in the mood, but you really should take care of yourself a bit.” Kuroo suggests.  
“Thanks.” I reply simply, ignoring Kuroo’s request that I take a shower. I don’t want to go back to the apartment, and I can’t imagine there is much of a shower in the warehouse. I start to walk away, then realize that it’s probably weird that Akashi went to my apartment.  
“How did Akashi get into my apartment?” I ask Kuroo. Kuroo laughs to himself, then looks up from his phone.  
“By walking in.” He answers. “We all have keys to your place in case of an emergency.” He elaborates. I must really trust them if I gave them keys to my home.  
I walk out of the curtain room and quickly am overwhelmed with chatter. Nobody is talking to me, but everyone is talking. It seems that someone has made breakfast, because several people are walking around with scrambled eggs on white paper plates.  
I smell coffee, but not the nice kind from Starbucks or anything, it’s the instant coffee pods from Walmart, I’m sure of it. I stand for a moment, just taking it all in.  
“Hajime! Do you want an omelet? Scrambled eggs? Some toast?” asks Yamaguchi. He is standing by a small propane powered stove with a plastic spatula in his hand and a paper cut out chef hat that Bo probably made for him.  
“No, I’m actually don’t really feel like eating.” I say, declining his offer. Yamaguchi makes a buzzer sound, then places his hands on his hips.  
“Wrong answer. I know you’re stressed, but you have to eat.” He says, cracking a few eggs into a Styrofoam bowl and whisking them with a fork. I start to wave my hands to indicate that I don’t want any, but Yams cuts me off.  
“You made me eat, now I’m going to return the favor.” He insists, sliding a piece of bread into a toaster.  
I look to Kuroo for an explanation for what Yamaguchi just said, and he mouths, “Yams used to have an eating disorder.” to me. I nod in understanding, then turn my attention to the toaster.   
I look to Kuroo for an explanation for what Yamaguchi just said, and he mouths, “Yams used to have an eating disorder.” to me. I nod in understanding, then turn my attention to the toaster.  
Once my food is ready, Kuroo and Yamaguchi sit down with me while I eat. The two of them chat while I eat, which helps to keep my mind off of the day ahead of me. I don’t know if it is intentional, but I am thankful for the distraction.  
The remainder of the day goes by surprisingly quickly, and before I know it, it’s midnight. There are exactly two hours until I need to be at the docks to negotiate Oikawa’s rescue.  
Although I don’t really have anything to compare their behavior to, I get a feeling that everyone was a little bit nicer to me than they would usually be. Kuroo must have told them about our quick fight last night because people seem to be less anxious about my physical well-being.  
The sun has set hours ago, and the fluorescent lights have turned out so that anyone who wants to can sleep, although I doubt anyone will be able to sleep well tonight. Kuroo and I have been playing a game of Euchre with Bokuto and Akashi, but the change in lighting acts as a reminder of the event that is set to occur in just two hours.  
“Alright, that’s ten!” Akashi says excitedly. I have hardly been paying attention, but sure enough, Bokuto and Akashi have won their tenth point. “Looks like we win, pay up!” Akashi continues.  
Kuroo and Akashi had bet twenty dollars that they would be first to ten points. Kuroo reluctantly pulls a crumpled twenty dollar bill out of his wallet and places it into Akashi’s pale hands.  
“Should we play another round?” Bokuto asks. Akashi looks eager to do so, and I’m sure Kuroo wants to win his money back, but I can hardly focus on some card game right now.  
“Sorry, but I’m out. I’ve got to get ready to meet up at the docks.” I explain. Akashi checks his watch and frowns.  
“You’ve still got two hours!” He cries. Kuroo lightly slaps his wrist and shushes him. “Besides, what preparation will you do?” He continues, ignoring Kuroo’s shush.  
“Well, he can put on a bulletproof vest or something. And we can go over fighting tactics once more.” Kuroo says.  
“It’s no use.” I mutter. The boys turn their attention to me and I continue. “I’m going to be way outnumbered, if they want me dead, I’ll die regardless of our preparations.” I explain.  
“That’s an optimistic way of looking at it.” Bokuto says sarcastically. Akashi nods in agreement, and the two of them stand up from the table.  
“Are you sure? You aren’t going to even try to protect yourself?” Kuroo asks me. His expression reads a combination of sadness and disappointment.  
“It would be laughable if I did. Imagine it: I pull up to the docks and immediately, fifty guys have their guns fixed on my head. If any one of them shoots, I’m dead. A bulletproof vest wouldn’t do any good.” I reply.  
“I suppose you’re right, but if they didn’t know you were wearing it, they might aim for your heart, not your head.” Kuroo says optimistically.  
“There’s no point.” I say dismissively. “Like I said, if they want me dead, I’ll be dead.” Kuroo looks surprised about how laid-back about this I am. If he would really think about it, it would make sense.  
I’ve already gone over the worst-case scenario in my head a million times. A scenario in which they kill me, then kill Oikawa, breaking our agreement. In my mind, any result that isn’t that is okay, because it’s not as bad as it could have been.  
Besides, I don’t have nearly as much to live for now that I can’t remember my relations to anybody. There’s hardly any reason to visit my parents, I don’t even know their names. I won’t get to remember what our childhood was like with old friends, because I don’t know myself.  
I won’t be able to grow old with the man that I supposedly have been in love with since high school, because unless we miraculously both make it out of tonight alive, we won’t even grow old. I just need to make sure that if someone dies, it’s me, not Oikawa.  
I check my phone for the time, which is about half past midnight. If I remember the navigation correctly, it should take me about forty-five minutes to drive to the docks. In case there happens to be traffic, or I get the route wrong, I should probably allow for up to fifteen minutes of extra time. That leaves me with about half an hour left.  
“Hey, can I talk to you guys for a second?” I call into the warehouse. Everyone slowly gathers around me in a circle. “I’m going to head out soon, and I just wanted to say that for the few days I remember knowing you for, you all seem like great people, and I’m glad I know you. In case I don’t come back, I’m leaving Daichi in charge.” I say.  
“Awe, Boss, don’t talk like that. You’re coming back. You won’t die. You can’t die.” Kuroo says. I know he’s trying to comfort me, but the tears welling up in his eyes show how little confidence he has in the words he speaks.  
“Yeah, what he said. We’ll see you back here around four. You and Oikawa both!” Bokuto says with enthusiasm. It seems that being optimistic to the point where he fools himself into believing it’s the truth is Bokuto’s coping meconium in this given situation.  
“Yeah,” I say softly. “Yeah, I’ll see you at four.” I say, this time in a more confident voice. Although it’s all a show, the confidence does feel good. Even if I’m just fooling myself, I clench onto the small chance that Oikawa and I both come back here in about three hours like a lifeline.  
___________________________

The drive to the docks is somewhat instinctual. Despite the pressure of the situation building up, I feel surprisingly calm. I think it comes with having thought through this night, or rather morning, infinitely many times. I’ve come to terms with the possible results of tonight.  
While driving, my head is empty. I hardly even pay attention to the cars around me, the lines on the road, or the stop lights. It isn’t until a loud honk from behind me goes off that I notice I’m driving in-between two lanes.  
Am I really that tired? I didn’t sleep much last night, and it’s pretty late, but I didn’t expect to be so tired I can’t drive. I guess I should pay more attention to the road.  
The rest of the drive goes pretty smoothly, and I soon pull up to the empty looking docks. Am I early? My phone says that it’s ten till two, so I only have ten minutes to spare.  
I pull up the text message from yesterday with the location where I was to meet to negotiate Oikawa’s release, and sure enough, I’m at the right place.  
I cautiously exit my car and walk around the dock to see if anyone is here. Something clicks behind me, and I spin around to see a man with his handgun fixed on my chest.  
“Where is Oikawa?” I say with as much courage as I can muster. I begin to notice where everyone was hiding as people come out from behind cargo crates and shipping boxes. All of them are armed, but I can’t find Oikawa anywhere.  
“He’s right here.” Says a strong voice. I turn to face the direction it came from and realize that it’s the same man from before. He stands behind Oikawa, who is kneeling in front of him. The man has a handgun pressed harshly against Oikawa’s head.  
“Let him go.” I say, my voice wavering as I speak. “Please, let him go. He didn’t do anything.” I beg. The man smiles and shakes his head.  
“You killed Alisa, why shouldn’t I kill Tooru?” He asks, angrily grabbing Oikawa’s hair and roughly pulling him up.  
“Because he didn’t do anything! I did! I’m the one that killed your girlfriend, right? So let Oikawa go and be mad at me instead.” I plead.  
“Iwa, no. He’ll kill you!” Oikawa says. I know. I’ve thought through this. I know I might die; in fact, I’ve become comfortable with the idea of it.  
“Please, kill me then. Kill me instead.” I beg of the man grabbing Oikawa. “I’ll do anything, just as long as you don’t hurt him.” I tell the man with the gun.  
“Iwa-Chan, you can’t. They’ll kill you. You’ll die. You can’t die for me.” Sputters Oikawa. I hardly think he knows what he’s saying. I’m sure being held as ransom by people who want him dead has had a huge effect on his mental health and stability.  
“I don’t care. Oikawa, you’re going to be fine. That’s what matters.” I say, stepping towards him. Tears start to well up in Oikawa’s eyes, and his lip begins to tremble.  
“No, no, no, no, no. Iwa, don’t do this. Don’t do it. Please, no, you can’t. I need you to stay, I need you to live. Please, I don’t know who I am without you.” Oikawa cries.  
“Well, you’re about to learn.” Mumbles the man by Oikawa. He roughly shoves Oikawa to the side, then takes a step towards me. Oikawa scrambles towards me and reaches out to touch my leg.  
“Iwa-Chan, please don’t die.” Oikawa desperately breathes. He has wrapped his arms and legs around mine as if holding on to me will keep me safe. “Don’t die for me. You don’t even remember me.” Oikawa says.  
“Oikawa, your name was the only thing I remembered. Do you know how important you must be to me if my brain prioritized you out of everything in my life to remember? I may not remember you, but I know that you were the most important thing in my life.” I say.  
I didn’t remember my childhood, my family, my friends, or even my own name. But I remembered Oikawa. He really must be something if I prioritize him over everything else in the word.  
“Touching.” The man scoffs. He holds out the handgun that he had aimed at Oikawa just moments ago for me to grab. Hesitantly, I reach out and take the gun into my own hand.  
“What do you want me to do with this?” I ask the tall man who just handed me the gun. A malicious grin creeps across his face and I shudder.  
“I want you to shoot yourself.” He says plainly. My eyes go wide as I register his request. Oikawa screams, but I can’t seem to hear what he’s saying. I feel his grab on my leg tighten, and wince slightly at the pain it is causing.  
“Shoot yourself through the head and I’ll let your precious boyfriend go, scratch free.” The man negotiates. His voice is so taunting, I want nothing more than to shoot him instead, but that would just result in getting Oikawa and I killed.  
“Don’t so it Iwa, please don’t do it.” Oikawa begs me. “I don’t care if I die, I would rather be dead than live a life without you.” He cries, tears rapidly falling down his pale face.  
“I’m not giving you the choice. If this is the only way to save you, I’m doing it. You can’t stop me.” I tell Oikawa.  
“But I can damn well try to.” He mutters before launching up at me. He reaches out for the gun, but I quickly yank it out of his reach. Although Oikawa is taller then me, I’m much stronger, and can easily take him in a fight. That isn’t what this is though, we aren’t fighting, I’m not going to hurt him.  
Oikawa continues to flail his arms in an attempt to knock the gun out of my hand with little success. When he realizes that this isn’t going to work, Oikawa resorts to biting my shoulder.  
“Ouch! You asshole, cut it out.” I growl at Oikawa, who has not released his bite from my shoulder. Oikawa shakes his head and continues to bite down into my flesh.  
“Give me the gun.” He demands. Although my shoulder is really starting to hurt, and I think he may have drawn blood, there is no way I’m going to let him have the gun.  
“I’m not going to give you the gun. Now get off of me before you get hurt.” I tell Oikawa, gently pulling him off of me. His grip on my shoulder is unwavering, and I can’t seem to pull him off without ripping a chunk of my shoulder off with him.  
“I mean it Kawa, get off.” I say, raising my voice. Oikawa looks up at me and, oh boy, if looks could kill.  
“You think that raising your voice at me is going to get me to let you kill yourself?” Oikawa says, his voice muffled by my skin.  
“Well, I thought it was worth a try.” I mutter. “Just get off already. Regardless of whether I shoot myself or not, I’m going to die here tonight. At least let me save you.” I tell Oikawa. He shakes his head and I sigh. “Look I really don’t want to hurt you-”  
“Iwa, I don’t care. I’m not going to let you shoot yourself for me. I don’t care if you hurt me, and I don’t care if I die. As long as it’s me and not you.” Oikawa says.  
“Christ, Oikawa. It will be both of us if you don’t get the fuck off of me!” I shout. This seems to do the trick because Oikawa’s bite on my shoulder finally releases. Oikawa collapses down onto the ground then looks up at me like I just kicked a puppy.  
“Look, I’m sorry, but this truly is the best option.” I tell Oikawa, he nods solemnly, looking totally defeated. I tilt his chin up so that he is looking at me, then whisper just loud enough that he can hear me, “I love you.”  
At this, Oikawa completely loses it. I didn’t think he could get any more hysterical then he was a few minutes ago, but apparently, I was wrong.  
With one arm, he clutches onto my calf, and with the other, he repeatedly punches the asphalt below him. Tears stream down his face while he screams into the fabric of my pants.  
“Kawa, look at me, baby.” I say softly. Oikawa continues his tantrum, completely ignoring me. “Stop that, you’re going to hurt yourself.” I say, grabbing the hand that he has been punching the ground with. His knuckles are bloodied and there are small rock fragments stuck in his skin.  
“You’re going to hurt yourself.” Oikawa repeats. “You know, you told me that before one of our volleyball games. I was working on the footwork for a new serve when I fell. You reassured me that my serve was fine the way it was, and that there was no need to risk injury this close to the start of a match. I hadn’t yet told you about my knee problems, but I’m sure you knew. You knew that you were the only one who could prevent me from hurting myself.”  
“Oikawa, I’m sorry, but I have to do this. Nobody, not even you, can stop me.” I say. Oikawa grabs onto my pant leg and continues sobbing.  
“You weren’t supposed to say that.” He cries. “You were supposed to say that you would stay, just for me. You were supposed to stay because you love me!” Oikawa screams. Tears of my own begin to fall at Oikawa outburst.  
“I’m sorry.” I repeat. “I’m so sorry.” I say to Oikawa.  
“Sorry means you regret it. It means you won’t do it, right?” Oikawa says optimistically through tears. My own tears start to fall faster. I reach down and cup Oikawa’s pale face in my hands.  
“I’m so sorry baby.” I tell him. “I love you, more than you will ever know.” I announce. I feel my hands start to tremble as I bring the handgun up to my temple.  
“Don’t do it Iwa. If you pull that trigger, I will never forget you.” Oikawa says angrily. I watch him slump to the ground as his demeanor entirely changes “Please don’t pull the trigger.” He begs.  
“I love you, Tooru.” I say, trying frantically to keep my voice steady. By some miracle, I manage to speak that one sentence without my voice cracking. Just moments after though, the waterworks really come on.  
“I love you too, Hajime.” Oikawa sobs, desperately clinging onto me. The cuffs on my jeans are now discolored from the blood from Oikawa's hand and the tears from his eyes, but that hardly matters now.  
“You can’t love a dead person.” I say to Oikawa. The last thing I see before I close my eyes is Oikawa jerking his head to look up at me one last time. I shed one final tear, then pull the trigger.


End file.
